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A Play On A Play On Words MAG

November 13, 2008
By Andrewsaur BRONZE, La Porte, Texas
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Andrewsaur BRONZE, La Porte, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\\\\\"Time brings all things to life, in that I trust it so.\\\\\\\" ~ Willie Stark

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When the tides change
I’ll be free
to drown among my people
in the ancient lands of nowhere
nowhere you would go
with a head upon my hat
and feet upon my shoes
it’s time to go inside
to survive
the cold of the air conditioning
in my room it’s harsh living
with the lights turned off
no one makes a sound
except the pitter patter of my soul
across the aluminum roof of my mind
like raindrops in your eye
all you are is a blurred image
thoughts once clear
are now hard to see
I have to retrieve my telescope
just to see you
still leaves me empty inside
’cause I think it’s my fault
that I have no idea
but I don’t know what to think
or where to begin
so I just sit and wait
for the tide to come in.

© Lydia E., Escondido, CA

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 252 comments.

TheSummoningFreak PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 4:19 pm
TheSummoningFreak PLATINUM, Lugoff, South Carolina
41 articles 0 photos 122 comments

Favorite Quote:
if you can never let yourself fall you&#039;ll never know what it&#039;s like to love

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i love this!!

ms.long4eva SILVER said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 2:23 pm
ms.long4eva SILVER, Des Moines, Iowa
8 articles 0 photos 20 comments

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If life gives you fabric, make a clothing line.

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WOW u have some true talent. I encuorage you to keep writing.
Andrewsaur BRONZE said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 11:46 am
Andrewsaur BRONZE, La Porte, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\\\\\&quot;Time brings all things to life, in that I trust it so.\\\\\\\&quot; ~ Willie Stark

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How exactly do you think it's cliche?

and as far as writing more universal things... Don't ever write while thinking I'm going to write about this... I just write... a lot of times it's just a conversation... or one sentence someone says that inspires me...

John Smith said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 11:13 am
Look, you obviously have some talent.  However, (in my opinion) you are employing it in the wrong way.  The images you use in this poem are cliche.  Write about something more universal than yourself. I know this post will probably be dismissed, but it is not intended to be negative, it is intended to improve your writing.  Praise does nothing for improvement--only for egos. 
JasminePinto BRONZE said...
on May. 28 2010 at 11:07 am
JasminePinto BRONZE, Anywhere, Texas
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wow so amazing, i can so relate, it has so much emotion and depth it makes you stop and really think, dont stop writing :)!!!!
possiblylindsey GOLD said...
on May. 10 2010 at 8:43 pm
possiblylindsey GOLD, Keller, Texas
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great poem =] i love! and by the way, i love the "andrewsaur" thing, that made me smile =D
writingchild SILVER said...
on May. 10 2010 at 8:00 pm
writingchild SILVER, Auburn, Massachusetts
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It really captures the emotional rage inside one's head if that makes sense. Don't stop writing!
Nicole Ic said...
on May. 10 2010 at 5:45 pm
Hey I really liked that it captures emotion and I can almost hear you say it to me. KEEP WRITING!!
Egyptiangirl13 GOLD said...
on May. 10 2010 at 4:06 pm
Egyptiangirl13 GOLD, Kansas City, Missouri
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wow. I loved this-great metaphors and keep writing!!!

 

AmericanoLounge BRONZE said...
on May. 10 2010 at 4:04 pm
AmericanoLounge BRONZE, Johnson City, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments

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&quot;I&#039;m nobody.&quot;

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It was good, and don't listen to the "advice" from other posters. Is their work in the magazine? Doubtful. It was good.
abstractminded GOLD said...
on May. 10 2010 at 1:32 pm
abstractminded GOLD, Beaumont, Texas
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GOOD poem mn ....reprsent for texas..im from texas too...oh and plz read my poems and rate them....dont forget to tell your friends to read mines too and rate them
BlueInk94 PLATINUM said...
on May. 10 2010 at 8:37 am
BlueInk94 PLATINUM, Valley Park, Missouri
30 articles 0 photos 75 comments
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This is really good! i love how each line is an inderict metaphor for emotions. Good job!
jamrock636 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 9:14 pm
jamrock636 BRONZE, Woodside, New York
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This is amazing. It's so descriptive and I love the last line.
Eilatan GOLD said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 6:37 pm
Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
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I saw this poem the first time i came to this website, about a month ago. I loved it so much that i put it in the secret poetry collection notebook, printed it out and read it aloud to the literary club at my school, and have it hanging on my bedroom wall to this day. I've had it memorized for weeks and weeks and i recite it to myself every night before i go to bed. this is my favorite poem in the world.
IsobelFree DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 4:59 pm
IsobelFree DIAMOND, Hamilton, Other
71 articles 20 photos 296 comments

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This is a really powerful poem. Good job. :) But I'm learning in Lit class right now that to make your work the most powerful it can be, take all abstract nouns out. That means every single noun that you can't touch or see, you should take out and replace with something you can - it's hard at first, but after a while your writing gets a lot better. Try it! And let me know if it works for you!

Cheers!

Mal :)

dianaforfree said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 3:50 pm
this is gorgeous.  so lovely. so perfect.
TechnoGeek21 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:09 pm
TechnoGeek21 BRONZE, Brampton, Other
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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I LOVE IT!
Eilatan GOLD said...
on Apr. 6 2010 at 7:15 pm
Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
11 articles 1 photo 307 comments

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&quot;Nobody is normal. Everybody in the world is a weirdo freak. Except you, which makes you a weirdo freak.&quot;

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I printed this out and hung it up in my bedroom. This is so, so phenomenal.

I haven't written in a while and this has inspired me to write again.

Thank you for this addition to the universe.

nicolledarling. said...
on Apr. 2 2010 at 7:36 pm
nicolledarling., Beaverton, OR, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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im loving the word play(:

very creative.

crazyforchrist GOLD said...
on Mar. 27 2010 at 10:13 pm
crazyforchrist GOLD, Sidney, Ohio
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Hey, great job on this. I love the imagery in it. I can't wait to read more :)