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One Day

July 26, 2011
By Shadow878 GOLD, Marion, Indiana
More by this author
Shadow878 GOLD, Marion, Indiana
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.&quot; Matthew 18:3<br /> <br /> &quot;Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men.&quot; JFK<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.&rdquo;Albert Einstein<br /> <br /> &quot;I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.&quot;<br /> C. S. Lewis <br /> <br /> &quot;A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading.&quot;<br /> C. S. Lewis <br /> <br /> &quot;Anyone who doesn&rsquo;t believe in miracles is not a realist.&quot;<br /> David Ben-Gurion<br /> <br /> &quot;An eye for an eye makes the world go blind&quot; Gandi

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It’s been 10 years
But I still think of you
All the time we laughed
All you pulled me through

I wish you were still here
I know it’s a part of life
But this hurts more
Than a stab from a knife

I never guessed
How much I would need you
I need your guidance
I don’t know what to do

But I can’t change it
I guess I have to move on
Fight through the night
An wait until dawn

So rest in peace
You have ran your race
I know one day
I will again see your face

The author's comments:
For my grandfather
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 10 comments.

Vicky11 SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 11:05 am
Vicky11 SILVER, Charlottenlund, Other
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wisest men follow their own direction - Euripides

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Touching and sweet. I think your grandfather will be happy that you wrote this for him...where ever he is .)
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 10:41 am
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

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well apparently my more button isnt working, so as I was saying...

I like you emotion and what I said is just something to think about.

DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 10:39 am
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

View profile

Hey! I know you said you'd like some constructive criticism, so I'll do my best. On the up side, I can really feel the emotion and it feels genuine. On the other hand, my biggest thing to work on would be your meter or rhythm, whichever you prefer. Since you are doing a rhyming poem, you need to be careful that the syncopation and rhyme helps the poem rather than hinders it. One example would be the second stanza where the reader may have to read it two or three times to get the right beat.

Anyway, I liked the emotion you have and what I said is just something to think about.

Shadow878 GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 5:19 pm
Shadow878 GOLD, Marion, Indiana
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.&quot; Matthew 18:3<br /> <br /> &quot;Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men.&quot; JFK<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.&rdquo;Albert Einstein<br /> <br /> &quot;I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.&quot;<br /> C. S. Lewis <br /> <br /> &quot;A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading.&quot;<br /> C. S. Lewis <br /> <br /> &quot;Anyone who doesn&rsquo;t believe in miracles is not a realist.&quot;<br /> David Ben-Gurion<br /> <br /> &quot;An eye for an eye makes the world go blind&quot; Gandi

View profile
thanks lol
thetruthawaits94 SILVER said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 4:59 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 351 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

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Try putting some different vocabulary. So more meaningful words to make it even stronger. ON the fourth stanza change I need your guidance to Without your guidance, because you repeat i need twice in that stanza and it just would sound better i think. First stanza: change all the time we laughed to the many times we laughed for the same reason as to not repeat words. then add And onto the last line so it's like you're listing the things you are thinking about. Those are my very best suggestions! I tried some constructive criticism, but it's not much. This is a pretty great poem already!!! So idk! :)
thetruthawaits94 SILVER said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 1:22 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 351 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

View profile
Yes, very nice and touching. I can really feel your emotion. it's so real. Keep writing.
ohheyyyelli SILVER said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 1:00 pm
ohheyyyelli SILVER, Woonsocket, Rhode Island
5 articles 3 photos 178 comments
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A very touching poem. Good work[:
blitsnik SILVER said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 12:57 pm
blitsnik SILVER, Palm Bay, Florida
8 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you must mount the gallows, give a coin to the headman, a jest to the crowd, and meet the drop with a smile on your lips.&quot;

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I really liked it. my fav part was the "Fight through the night, and wair until dawn" just because it stuck out the most. great job!
redhairCat PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 11:37 am
redhairCat PLATINUM, Pebble Beach, California
47 articles 20 photos 411 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I can do anything!&quot;

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An should be and. Other than that -  you did a really good job. When my grandfather passed away it was one of the saddest moments in my life. I know how you feel.
pill.happy.adventure PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 8:41 am
pill.happy.adventure PLATINUM, Manchester, New Hampshire
21 articles 3 photos 41 comments
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This was very sweet and touching really nice job keep it up :)