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let the darkness surround you

June 21, 2013
By loveisntreal GOLD, Arcata, California
More by this author
loveisntreal GOLD, Arcata, California
19 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"you live what you've learned." -linkin park

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Lost and Insecure on this gravel road
taking every step with a burdened load
too much stress in my mind to think
Let every moment pass without a blink
blow out a candle, let the darkness close in.


only 3 words, that can ruin it all
ones that break hearts, cause us to fall
if only we would see it coming before it puts us to shame
only 3 words, that is all it takes.

Smiling and Sure on this battlefield
drawing out weapons in battle mode
too little hope in my mind to fly
let the baby go to sleep without a lullaby
turn out the lights, let the dark surround you.

only 3 words, that can ruin it all
ones that break hearts, cause us to fall
if only we would see it coming before it puts us to shame
only 3 words, that is all it takes.

© Michelle M., Plainview, NY

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This article has 3 comments.

Vavapoetry GOLD said...
on Dec. 25 2013 at 7:06 pm
Vavapoetry GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
11 articles 13 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Once social justice begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. And you cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore." -Cesar Chavez

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Loved this, it really reaches out.
tori-gurl PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 7 2013 at 5:00 pm
tori-gurl PLATINUM, Norwich, New York
32 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
smile through everything no matter how bad it gets because it could be worse and if it gets worse well then it can only get better. :)

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I like how relatable this poem is and I value the repetition of "let the darkness in". I feel like this is very well written and I enjoyed how much it flowed throughout. The rhythm you assert throughout makes it even easier to read and enjoy :)
Quartermaster PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 7 2013 at 1:09 am
Quartermaster PLATINUM, Los Angeles, California
21 articles 8 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They tell us sir that we are weak. Unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when will we be stronger?"

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The first stanza is legit. Keeping a rythm all the way until "let the darkness close in", really captures how the speaker wants the darkness to just collapse in without thought.  However you lose the rhythm, and I think the rhythm have been worth maintaining. The third stanza needs a little bit of work, too many contradictions "smiling and sure," yet "too little hope". However you're metaphor of a battlefield (although a little cliche'd) is very fitting. Battle mode simply does not fit the tone of the piece. A neat poem that really captures what you're trying to communicate. I can totally relate to that feeling of wanting the darkness to surround me.