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Reality Check
November 29, 2008
What if I wanted to break away from society?
A culture
Where war replaces peace
Where money replaces love
Where emotions run dry
Where coping with it doesn't apply
Is this the kind of community we want to live in?
Would you stop me from leaving?-- Can you blame me for cheating?
Cheating
My way out
Of life.
Out of School. Out of Love. Out of Pain.
Out of this
Repulsive palce
I live in
Where being a terrorist is as easy as
Having brown skin
Is this what we want to live in?
A corrupt place where rules are
Pushed aside
Where solving problems are resolved
With homocide..
So
Don't blame me for breaking away
Where there is a place hatred won't go anyway
Where
Love has meaning and is not
Replaced
By something green
Where peace reins
Over war
Where emotions rise
Above more than just words that are said
Now put these ideas inside your head
Tell me what you think now
Because if you don't think differently somehow
Then there is no hope for the future and the now!
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 141 comments.
shayebreezy123 said...
on Jan. 4 2009 at 6:46 pm
Love it, it's powerful and amazing, incredible job..Check out my poems on TeenInk Raw. It's called Bender, tell me what you think!
Francesca said...
on Jan. 4 2009 at 4:52 pm
Oh wow this is soo good! Girl, you shall not stop writing ever and keep your style. Don't let negative commetns get you down, just listen to constructive words.
I love this!
-Franc
I love this!
-Franc
raffi g said...
on Jan. 4 2009 at 5:43 am
lemme first start off by saying that tis poem deeply reflects your inner child- the deprevation of maturity is imminent in this work. How do you plan to fix such societal problems? Is breaking away really the answer, it seems though you do not understand the true potential of societies flaws. The reason we are this way- the hatefull people you try to classify and identify in this poem- is because it gives you power! That is the whole reason behind wars, homicide and all other such things. Until you truely indentify the problem, you cannot make the claim that you understand what all else means. I mean, lookin back at all of this, it just seems like you cannot cope with a simple life situation, yet are falsely masking the situation with the common hate. I am wondering little girl if you truely understand your self and the true deprevation of power you are living within.
nutmeg_92 said...
on Jan. 3 2009 at 5:20 pm
don't edit it.
i love how you wrote each line.
it gives the poem more depth.
and i think that poems on impulse are the best and the most meaningful.
keep writing!
i love how you wrote each line.
it gives the poem more depth.
and i think that poems on impulse are the best and the most meaningful.
keep writing!
Quita_Bug123 said...
on Jan. 3 2009 at 1:08 am
This remands me of Oyotunji
aiviloeyaj said...
on Jan. 2 2009 at 11:57 pm
Good job, Victoria! People like this will change the world, as well as outlooks and opinions. I don't understand, though, why some people are commenting this so harshly. We are supposed to give constructive criticism, not bash hopes.
Also, there are more supportive comments than negative, so I suggest you people lay off.
Also, there are more supportive comments than negative, so I suggest you people lay off.
lollygager101 said...
on Jan. 2 2009 at 11:51 pm
That poem has real emtion. It gives the phrase reality check a true meaning. It tells you what most life is today. I love the meaning of this poem.
crich897 said...
on Jan. 2 2009 at 10:56 pm
Hey Victoria, Here are the links to a few of my pieces. None of these are what I would call great... Heck, not even very good! But I pulled em out of my writers' notebook just for something to do. I would greatly appreciate any feedback you could give me on them!
Thanks so much,
Chad 1.)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/72358/Candy-From-a-Baby/ 2.)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/72365/Eyes-of-a-Scholar/ 3.)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/72359/The-End-of-a-Fraud/
Thanks so much,
Chad 1.)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/72358/Candy-From-a-Baby/ 2.)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/72365/Eyes-of-a-Scholar/ 3.)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/72359/The-End-of-a-Fraud/
Nayr said...
on Jan. 2 2009 at 9:50 pm
THis is really good and really true i want to write more stuff like this cause it really hits home on lots of people and thats what we aim for right.
trytowritter said...
on Jan. 2 2009 at 7:00 pm
Awsome!!!!!! Beautiful Poem!! check out mine it is titled Truly living
MaskByTheMoon said...
on Jan. 2 2009 at 5:26 am
Oh, darling this is beautiful. I don't say it's pessimistic, but yes, the truth can be considered pessimistic if you point it out. I, however, believe that sometimes we need this... "reality check". I hope you make a name for yourself in poetry.
michaelrizzo said...
on Jan. 1 2009 at 9:44 am
wow this is very good! youre a creative writer. please comment my poem entitled "me" by michael r
Brandon C. said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 9:30 pm
would you be willing to let this poem be turned into a song?
Distured@5 said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 4:47 pm
i think your a very good poet and should keep writing
BeeGeeDoubleU said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 3:52 pm
This one is fairly good. You're gifted. Go on, don't let bad comments stop you, take it as constructive advices...
Murat said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 12:48 pm
Your work is great. I love it!
Thank you a lot for sharing it with all of us.
Keep writing, keep your style (and be loyal to yourself)!
Thank you a lot for sharing it with all of us.
Keep writing, keep your style (and be loyal to yourself)!
MC hammer said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 4:47 am
Hmm... Good poem, but-
Are you really living that kind of life?
Are you really living that kind of life?
Desertflower said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 1:26 am
Great poem. I liked it alot. Read some of mine, see what you think. One of them is called the reaping.
Felix said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 12:21 am
I love your work, Victoria!
It's true there is some things that might be heavily misunderstood. This is totally ok if you write to yourself or to people who know you and the like. But if your work is published, it's an entirely different business.
I, myself, don't think this sounds "emo" or suicidal, as I totally share your point of view. (Forky mentioned a book, go ahead and read it, I enjoyed doing so!) Yet I totally see how people / teens who are already in a somewhat depressed / pessimistic state of mind could understand this piece of yours as an encouragement to literally break away.
That is something nobody wants. It's hard to consider things like that when writing, but that's what advices are for, right?
I don't want this to be changed, but if you'd feel like, and after all these comments find another / better way to express yourself, make clear your points, I'm sure you would be improving.
In any case, this is deffinitely to be rated 5/5. People are so right doing so!
It's true there is some things that might be heavily misunderstood. This is totally ok if you write to yourself or to people who know you and the like. But if your work is published, it's an entirely different business.
I, myself, don't think this sounds "emo" or suicidal, as I totally share your point of view. (Forky mentioned a book, go ahead and read it, I enjoyed doing so!) Yet I totally see how people / teens who are already in a somewhat depressed / pessimistic state of mind could understand this piece of yours as an encouragement to literally break away.
That is something nobody wants. It's hard to consider things like that when writing, but that's what advices are for, right?
I don't want this to be changed, but if you'd feel like, and after all these comments find another / better way to express yourself, make clear your points, I'm sure you would be improving.
In any case, this is deffinitely to be rated 5/5. People are so right doing so!
TheAuthor said...
on Dec. 30 2008 at 6:30 pm
Hey everybody,
I just want to say thanks for commenting my poem, it helps a lot with my writing. I would edit this piece, but I don't really know how to edit it(?) Haha, no buttons or anything to try to edit it.
To Chad: Yes, it would be fine if you used that line, it would be an honor for you to use it =P
Don't take all the words in the poem is literally. It does seem to have become personal now..?
Also, tone of the poem. I agree with one comment that was made by Devin. That is all I have to say about that.
Hey, I am human too. So I wrote this poem on impulse. My intentions were purely good.
It is a piece of writing. I love to write, just like every other person on this site. It has become a part of me. If you don't like it, that is fine, tell me what you think should happen. But stop at that. This is no war to see who is right and wrong about the meaning of this poem. I understand the discussion that has taken place. But say your peace and leave it at that. I will take ALL comments into consideration for the next draft of this poem. Thank you very much.
I just want to say thanks for commenting my poem, it helps a lot with my writing. I would edit this piece, but I don't really know how to edit it(?) Haha, no buttons or anything to try to edit it.
To Chad: Yes, it would be fine if you used that line, it would be an honor for you to use it =P
Don't take all the words in the poem is literally. It does seem to have become personal now..?
Also, tone of the poem. I agree with one comment that was made by Devin. That is all I have to say about that.
Hey, I am human too. So I wrote this poem on impulse. My intentions were purely good.
It is a piece of writing. I love to write, just like every other person on this site. It has become a part of me. If you don't like it, that is fine, tell me what you think should happen. But stop at that. This is no war to see who is right and wrong about the meaning of this poem. I understand the discussion that has taken place. But say your peace and leave it at that. I will take ALL comments into consideration for the next draft of this poem. Thank you very much.
