Before

“I'm getting old you know”

“Not going to be here forever”

Words that do not affect me 

Words that do not apply to me

I cannot find a bone in my body that seems to care 

Alive and healthy 

Alive and thriving 

Dying is nowhere near

Pushing him to the side I make my statement clear

I want to be alone anywhere but here

Walking away not thinking twice 

Pain begins to fill his body through the night

Smoking away the pain he's feeling

Smoke is now creeping through the ceiling 

During

I call and call and call

15 calls all of you do not answer 

Cigarette holes surround me as I start to fall deeper and deeper

Pacing around the hallway she calls out for you 

Just pick up the phone if it's all you can do

Vibrations coming from under my legs

You left your phone at home 

God what a shame 

Brother calls her she picks up quickly

All Within a second her heart on the floor bleeding 

Confused is what I feel I don't understand

Numbness burns me, I'm, sorry for what I said 

After

I hope you didn't hate me as your eyes began to close

I hope you weren't crying and I hope you weren't alone 

I hope that you thought about me even just for a moment 

I hope that you tried to fight for survival to try and make it through this 

I hope that you cared and I hope that you are okay 

I hope that you wish you could have stayed 

I hope that you are happy now even though I'm left here broken 

I hope that you can say all the words you left unspoken 

I'm sorry Dad for all the pain I brought I want you to come home that's my final thought