As a young man, I have always tried to light

The way for my peers, to lead them into the open

Promised lands, but I fall short. The look on their face

Is nothing but disappointment. Their faith in me is gone.

And while I do my best to prove that I can win the blue

Ribbon, first place, I drown in the water.

The hope to succeed, followed by the shock of failure deepens the water

Of false security. Yet, they are still trying to find the light,

Just maybe not through me. I can tell by the mood, sounds of sad blues

That I will not come out on top. I will never open

The door for success but instead, peer in, looking for something that seems to be gone,

But was never there in the first place. But all they see is my “happy” face.

I cannot seem to build up the courage to face

The opposition of those whose faith is nothing but shallow water.

And when any support structures I once had are gone,

I begin to fear that one day I will not see the light

Of hope. However, I know that although my opportunities remain open,

one day I will have to face an emotional wave of black and blue.

That is all I feel inside. Emotional bruises, The black and blue

Of former transgressions. They are not noticeable just by looking at my “happy” face,

But rather a different point of view, a new book, a new chapter to be opened.

These newly felt feelings are shown when exposed to a familiar light,

Light, only shined through family and friends, visible even in the dark waters

of insecurity.  All the fears, insecurities, and false hope, gone.

Once those difficult feelings are gone

I start to realize that all those feelings that were once blue,

Can be sparked with a little bit of self-confidence to create light

That can be spread to others. Now my “happy” face

Is truly happy. The deep waters of insecurity are evaporated into shallow waters,

Pools of faith. And as that faith grows, the sky will open

And rain will fall, deepening the pool of faith. Once the heart opens

And self-confidence grows, and insecurities are gone

And I no longer just see the water as water,

but as a pool of faith, shallow, but growing, I will no longer feel blue.

I will no longer feel the burden of putting on a fake happy face,

And I will truly understand the security of being in the light.

And as the water deepens, I will try to decrease the blue

Feelings. I will try to open the doors for those whose self-confidence is gone.

I will help them face insecurities and continue spreading the light.