Why I do this
I take another pill
For all the pain I feel inside
For the memories, the past
And for these feelings that I hide
I use another needle
For being so weak
For never being good enough
And for these secrets that I keep
I drink another beer
For listening to them
For confusion, frustration
And for hating who I am
I use another blade
For dealing with the pain
For numbing my misery
And to help me restrain



Overdose
Alone
Voices
End it
Wrong choices
Worthless
This one is for you
Not numb
Take two
Broken
Break free
Not scared
Take three
Not working
Need more
Not helping
Take four
Still here
Still alive
Still in pain
Take five
Vision blurs
Quick fix
Eyes close
Take six
Still not working
Lay on the floor
Wasting away
Take seven more

Hospital Room
My eyes open up
This room, this place, so quiet
The urges to leave are incredibly strong
I try so hard to fight it.
It’s difficult to breathe
Ignoring the temptation
Wasting away here
Sobriety is the ultimate suffocation.
Mom walks in
I close my eyes
She knows what I’ve been hiding
She knows my secrets and my lies.
Soft slow footsteps
Approach my hospital bed
She slowly takes my hand
And gently rubs my head
I sigh in relief
I’m finally giving in
I want help this time
I want this to end.

Rehab
Reality quickly sets in.
Hard to believe I’m finally here.
I’m absolutely ready to get clean
Sobriety is no longer a fear.
Day one was hard.
I need to get through this
The temptations, the cravings
I want another fix.
Don’t give in
I tell myself
Thirty out of ninety days completed
I really needed this help.


Finally Free
I still have those urges.
I learned that they will never really go away.
I don’t think about my past.
I only care about today.
Recovering was easy
Staying clean was not
I’m proud of who I’ve become
And how hard I’ve fought
I go to counseling every week
To help with my depression
To learn other ways
To deal with my aggression
I can finally smile
For real this time, you see
No more lying to myself
I’m finally free.