“Fine!” Nicholas threw his hands up, “Fine. We’ll look over the dangers and try to get around them. I’m not going to be careless, though.” He narrowed his eyes and looked back down at the table with sheets of paper strewn about it. “Let’s get back to work.”

            The next week I was scoping out possible revolutionaries to brief. It was too big of a responsibility for me, but as I was the only factory worker in the group it was up to me. Honestly, it wasn’t surprising that I was the only one. Even if most of the people had been put to work in this manner, they were so thoroughly brainwashed and beaten down that new ideas only spread in rural areas where the iron fist of The Leader was loosened just a tiny bit more.

            It was a successful mission and we gained four new members.

            The last time I talked to my comrades was several months and about a dozen new members later.

            I clasped my hands together as sweat clung to my forehead. The room was dead silent, all of our focus on Nicholas. His eyebrows were furred while he bit down on his knuckles.

            “C’mon, Nicki! We can do it!” Gavin beamed up at him.

            “There is no ‘we,’ Gav, you can’t come with us. You know that.” Nicholas sighed and ruffled Gavin’s hair. “I know you’re excited, Buddy, but your time will come.”

            He turned to face everyone. “We’re ready.”

            The room erupted in cheers and sighs of relief. I hugged Emmanuel and even Lorin. It was finally time for real action.

            Normally, I wasn’t a fan of direct action or anything involving conflict and bravery. I wasn’t doing this for me, though. I don’t think I was even doing it for the common good. No, I was doing it for him.

            For David.

            “Will we still hang out when the Summer ends?” I asked. My head was in his lap, his fingers intertwined in my hair.

            “That’s a dumb question, don’t you think?”

            I sat up, “I’m being serious. You won’t just forget about me, right?” 

            He gave a soft, gentle laugh. “How could I forget about you?”

            I bit my lip. “I-I dunno, I guess I’m just scared that you’ll go off and be a doctor or whatever.”

            He sat silent for an agonizingly long time before wrapping his arms around me without any warning. “I won’t leave you behind.”

            Once I recovered from the shock, I hugged him back too.

            “D-Day” was exactly a week away. That day I began my walk home. I was finally content in knowing that I was bigger than myself- that I was making a change. “Are you proud?” I whispered to the air.

            I took my time walking home. For once, I didn’t feel like I was running away from something. Maybe this would help me let go of what happened back then. Maybe I could let myself trust these people- these people who would be willing to die beside me.

            I walked down the path until me house came in view. Something was very, very wrong. There were men outside it. I could barely make out their uniforms and guns, but once I did, my heart sank.

            I ducked behind a mailbox once I was close enough to see what they were doing. I watched as a young man ran out with a piece of paper in his hand to show everyone.

            I didn’t need to read it to see what the paper was. My friends were in danger.

            I kept low and slowly made my way back around the corner. My heart froze when an armored car drove past me but showed no sign it saw me. I sprung up and ran, barely feeling my feet touch the pavement.

            My legs went numb with adrenaline. I could barely form a cohesive thought. My friends, the people who trusted me, were now in danger because of my idiocy. I cursed under my breath. I wasn’t going fast enough; I wouldn’t get there in time.

            I raced through the grass with urgency. Just a little longer and I would beat him! Finally, I jumped into the water and threw my hands in the air. “I win!”

            David came shortly after, panting and struggling to catch his breath. “How are you so fast?” He huffed.

            “Guess I’m lucky.” I laughed as I splashed him.

            “Gross, dude! You weren’t supposed to actually jump in the river!”

            “You just said we were racing to the river, you never really clarified.” Before he could respond, I reached up to yank his arm and drag him in. It was worth him cursing at me to see the look on his face.

            When he finally settled down, I was made hyper aware of the anxiety pit forming in my stomach. Summer was almost over, and so was all of our fun.

            “Thank you.” My tone changed the atmosphere to serious.

            “For what?”

            “All of this. I’ll really miss it. I know you said we’ll still talk after, but it won’t be the same…” I trailed off. I focused on the sticks drifting through the water in hopes of distracting myself from the tears I wanted to spill.

            I felt his hands grab mine. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Get that thought out of your head.” He pulled me into a hug. At first it was awkward, but by now I had grown to love his hugs. They felt sure. They felt safe.

            I buried my face in his chest. It didn’t matter that I was in dirty water or that we were supposed to be doing work around the farm. All of that melted away as I melted into his arms.

            I finally made it past the city, but it wasn’t fast enough. The wind bit at me, as if to tease me with the bitterness and unfamiliarity of it. Nothing good came from the cold.

            It wasn’t too far, though. I could make it in time. I could save my friends. I just had to go faster, I just had to run fast enough to beat whatever cars or helicopters the military might use.

            It was irrational, but it was all I had to hold onto.

            Flashes of my old life ran through me. Glimpses of warmth and safety, of before tyranny took hold, before he left me alone.

            We stood in the river holding each other for longer than friends should have, but it didn’t matter to us. We were in our own world and I liked it that way.

            “I love you,” I whispered without pausing to think. My eyes shot open. A pit of horror and anxiety grew inside me so rapidly that I felt I might throw up. Why would I say that?

            David broke away from the hug. To my shock, though, he didn’t run away or call me a freak. Instead, he tilted my chin up and brought his lips to mine.

            The house was close, I could feel it. The night was eerily silent, which meant so helicopters were flying overhead. I naively took it as a sign of hope.

            This time I could do it right. I wouldn’t lose them. I wouldn’t screw up the only thing that gave my life meaning, not again.

            I let myself fall into the kiss, forgetting whatever self-control I was meant to have. It felt so right to be with him like this and I never wanted it to end.

            He had to pull away eventually, though. After he caught his breath, I watched his eyes grow wide. He stepped back and put his hands up. “I- I don’t know what-” He almost tripped over a rock. “I have to go.” He turned away and ran out of the water to his house. I was left there shellshocked.

            I sat by the edge of the water for hours replaying what happened in my mind and waiting for him. It was his mom who came out, though. She simply told me to go home. I didn’t ask for any more information. I didn’t even know if she would have it.

            I came back after that, but he was gone. The boy I loved and cherished had upped and left, and he never came back. When I tried to ask about it, his mother only said he wasn’t coming back

            I spent the rest of my time after that wishing for him to come back. I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me one more time, to tell me it was a mistake and that he still wanted to see me even if he didn’t like me in that way.

            All I wanted in the world was to see him again.

            I made a sharp turn at the house and I was there. I didn’t bother to look for cars or militia. I sprung forward and threw open the door to the most mortifying sight in my life.

            My friends, my comrades, were lying everywhere beside me. Blood seeped from gunshot wounds and covered the floor until the wood wasn’t visible. Emmanuel was slumped by the door, his face contorted in pain. I couldn’t process what I was seeing. I couldn’t react.

            I moved my eyes from the bodies to see the only two standing figures. My heart sank further than I thought possible. Gavin was standing there shaking and crying as a soldier held a gun to his head.

            “Looks like I missed one.” The soldier didn’t turn to face me. His focus was on the cowering child.

            His voice…it sounded familiar. Realization dawned on me.

            “David,” I whispered.

I didn’t know what to say. What could I? Is this what he left me for? To kill?

            “David, what are you doing here?” I tried to keep myself composed. All I wanted was to scream and curse at him, but little Gavin’s life depended on me right now.

            “I’m serving our Leader as a loyal citizen.” His voice was steady, but it was forced.

            “Did somebody force you to do this? You… you wouldn’t do this,” I said in disbelief.

            “You know nothing about me, Elliot.”

            Hearing him use my full name killed me inside. “This can’t be who you are!” I looked around at the massacre, “This isn’t you.” I shook my head frantically. “You wouldn’t do this.” 

            “But I did.”

            His apathy angered me. How long had he been doing this to be able to murder without a second thought? How heartless had he become to kill a child?

            I took a deep breath. “Let him go, he didn’t do anything wrong.”

            “And let him grow up to be like his brother? I’m here to get rid of every pest, not leave one behind to multiply.”

            “He’s not a pest, he’s a kid! Let him go.”

            “No.”

            “This isn’t who you are, Dave! Don’t you remember all those things you told me? About saving the world and helping people?”

            “We were kids then, Elliot.”

            I tried to step over, but my foot hit flesh. I looked down to see I had moved Nicholas’s body. It was both horrifying and disgusting, but there was a small glimpse of metal underneath him that gave me hope.

            I reached down, holding my breath, and picked up his gun. “Let him g-go.” I stuttered.  I pointed the weapon at him.

            He stayed deadly still. The only one moving was Gavin, who was trembling so hard it looked like he may fall. Still, not even he said anything.

            “If you’re going to shoot me, then do it. If you don’t, I’m going to finish my job.” The flatness of his voice ripped at me. Did he really not care?

            I saw, though, that his lips were pursed in attempt to appear to cold and I knew I had a chance to stop him.

            I was incredulous. “No, you don’t- you can’t mean that.” I could barely hold up the gun as I had begun shaking nearly as hard as the boy with one to his head. “Don’t you remember that Summer? When we talked about the world we’d like to see? How could y-”

            “Get out of the past, El!” He screamed. All composure lost, he let the gun fall to his side and whipped around to face me.

            Seeing his face twisted in pain drove a knife through me. Suddenly, Gavin wasn’t in the room and all I saw was David’s young face against the pale blue sky. Tears poured down my face. I wanted to call out to the boy I loved, but he disappeared before I could only to be replaced with the hardened scowl of the man before me.

            “Why?” I yelled back through choked sobs, “Why did you have to leave?”

            His lip quivered. “Because…” His voice was barely softer than a whisper, “Because I loved you, El. By God, I loved you.”

            His heartfelt admission twisted the knife already inside me with the knowledge that it never had to be this way- if I had only stopped him from running off that day, we could have been happy together. I wouldn’t be standing here with the blood of my only friends in the work soaking into my shoes.

            I lowered my voice to match his, as well as my gun. “It doesn’t have to be like this. We can fix this. Please, let me try to fix this. I won’t let you go again.” I took a brave step forward. He was already slipping away, though. I watched his face harden before my eyes. “You could have fought with us. You never needed to become this, to join them. It’s wrong.”

            His face turned to a scowl, “But it’s safe.” Without warning, his arm raised up to meet Gavin’s head. I might have cried out, but everything blurred as the sound of a gunshot flew to my ears. There was a thud, then another gunshot that I didn’t realize until after came from my own gun.

            I stood there, shaking from adrenaline and stunned as David’s body fell to the floor in slow motion. A horrific realization of what had just happened dawned on me.

            My sobs were inaudible to me, drowned by the whirring of approaching helicopter blades.

            “My friends, I’m so sorry,” I cried to Gavin’s open, glossy eyes.

            I stood there, the lone survivor in a sea of blood.