...My first memory was of nothing; I saw nothing, I heard nothing, I felt nothing. I was nothing. The only world I knew was the one that surrounded me, an empty void where only I lived. It was a peaceful little world, but all it took were three little words to awaken me from this slumber…

“Good morning sunshine.”

    Before me stood a noble-looking woman; she was cloaked in a blinding white coat, her hair short and unkempt, her glasses tinted heather, all whilst bearing a nurturing smile and observing my every move.

“You were out for quite a while.” she remarked sharply. “I expected you to be awake since the moment you took form, but I guess I was wrong. With all that aside, however, there’s something I’d like you to see.” She marched towards the door and gestured me to follow her “Come, come, there’s no need for you to wait up.”

    Without a word of defiance, without knowing I had a choice, I followed her. She saw something within me that I couldn’t recognize, and I had just woken up. I didn’t know who I was, what my purpose was, not even what I looked like, all I knew was that this woman saw something in me that she wanted me to see.

    I followed her to an empty room, one bearing only a mirror, where I saw a woman stare back at me. She had hair of modest length that curled at the tips, she wore a white top dissimilar to the darkness around her, obscured partly by a cardigan fine as silk, exhibiting a white star pin clipped to her right breast. I tilted my head, and she did the same. I reached towards her, and so did she. I grasped her hand, but all I felt was a harsh rejection from the cold, hard glass. I was perplexed as to why I couldn’t touch her, and stood bewildered as I observed her movements. The woman next to me stifled her laughter as she drew near, clutching my shoulders to get my attention.

“Don’t you understand?” she chuckled “That woman there, that woman is you! Now do you see? What do you think?”

    The woman backed away so I could reassess my notions. I scanned my reflection, then my hands, then the mirror again, astonished with my appearance.

“I… I see…”

“What do you see?” She asked, perched giddily on the tips of her toes.

“I see, a woman. I see, my reflection. I see… me.”

    The woman rushed to my shoulders and laughed with glee, her excitement not subtle in the slightest as she clutched my shoulders once again.

“You finally understand!” she cheered, swinging me around in ecstasy “This world you live in, this life you have, there are infinite possibilities as to how you choose to live it! There is so much out there for you to see and do--But first, we must get that inquisitive mind of yours under wraps. There is so much you have left to learn, and I’m willing to help you every step of the way!”

“Good morning!” a voice carols from the first floor “It’s a brand new day! Are you ready to learn?”

“I’m coming!” I holler from the second floor, careening hastily towards the steps until I trip on the rug and crash head first into the wall of the neighboring room. I pull myself out and saunter down the stairs abashedly, humiliated by my recklessness “Someday I’ll learn not to charge down the halls like that, but today is NOT that day!” I say mockingly as I take a seat at the table.

“Clearly.” She answers as she dusts off my shirt.

    In the span of a couple weeks, my world has grown tremendously; I who was voiceless and skittish on day one, can now speak full sentences. I, who didn’t even recognize my own reflection on day one, can now tailor my appearance through the powers bestowed upon me through my core. I’ve learned everything I know up to this point from my advisor, the woman I now know as Void, who waits for me at this time every day with a holographic screen in her hands and a seat for me at the ready.

“What are we learning today, Void?” I ask excitedly.

“Etiquette, dearie.” she retorts, nonchalantly reaching for her staff as she spoke.

“Huh, how fitting…” I mumble under my breath.

“Do you recall the unit we started last week?” She inquires

“Wasn’t that the unit about the empire?” I answer.

“Correct.” Void pulls out the screen in her arms and stretches it, growing from the size of a tablet to that of a whiteboard. “This is a follow up to that lesson. This province, endless as it may seem, is abundant with rules, all of which we must follow, in order to live lavish, prosperous lives here in the empire. Today, we will begin learning that code of conduct.”

    I was lost; No, it wasn’t the content we were learning. Rather, it was the context behind it; weeks ago, I remember Void telling me that the world was limitless, that there were infinite possibilities as to how we could live it. Now, it’s as if she never said that in the first place! Something wasn’t right, I just felt it, and I knew I had to say something about it.

“Void, I’m confused.”

“I beg your pardon?” she asked.

“On day one, you told me that the world was limitless, that the possibilities were infinite… Is that really true? Why are you contradicting yourself now, of all times?”

“I’M NOT CONTRADICTING MYSELF!” she snapped defensively “I just told you that to, to…”

    I called her bluff; she was at a loss for words, making a task as simple as answering a question a chore when it came to giving an adequate response.

“To… to make you believe that everything in the world is bright and cheery and FUN! To make you hopeful and happy and cheerful before reality sets in and grinds those expectations to dust! Heh, heh… I hope she buys that…”

    I didn’t buy it. Watching Void jabber on senselessly after her ego implodes is akin to a toddler climbing down a flight of stairs… made of sand. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Quite frankly, it was pathetic. It was hard for me to watch, so I wanted to wrap it up quickly and quietly.

“What about everything you said about me? Were those lies too?” I asked impatiently.

“I, uh… Uh…”

“Listen…” I sighed “Void, all I want is an honest answer; why are you hiding things from me? Is there something you don’t want me to know? Just tell me, seeing you be like this is embarrassing, and not just for me!”

    Void took a deep breath and ran her hand across her face, hunching over in defeat. She couldn’t stall me much longer, so she wanted to get it all out right then and there.

    “If you want a real answer, then I’ll tell you.” She declared “In one week, I am taking you to the estate of Lady Lavendria, the ambassador of Blacklight, to have you tested to become an official resident of the empire. In order for you to pass, you must be educated, receptive, adaptable, and compliant; to work without defiance. It’s a code where every part of you is suppressed. I’m sure that you can go through with everything she requests of you, but I was terrified of you acting out of line and getting reprimanded by her. All I wanted was to make sure that you were ready; not just for her, but for the harsh reality that the empire has awaiting for you.”

    And with that, the room goes silent. I reflected upon every word; to work, to conform, to act without defiance… A code that seals away every aspect of who we are and everything we want to be. All this, and I still don’t know my purpose... am I just another pawn to them? A puppet to be controlled? I have so much more to learn, and none of it sounds pretty. I’m dreading that fated day, knowing I lack several of those traits and resent every aspect of them. There are no loopholes for me; I cannot escape, I cannot delay it, I cannot resist it. All I can do is grin and bear it, bear it until the day is over. It may not last long, but I’m not looking for it, and I must suppress everything I am until that day is over. It’s going to be a long week…

  The day has come; after weeks of preparation, I stood beside Void at castle Lavendria, a palace so dignified it struck fear into the core of its visitors. It was a decadent estate; the walls made of stone, the eaves adorned with platinum, the iron fences sharp as steel, the entire estate surrounded by statues of the owner. She was quite the narcissist, if I said so myself.

    Void told me numerous times that Lavendria was a force to be reckoned with, that she was a puzzling woman, curiously eccentric with a short temper, and terrifying when angered. Despite that, everyone loved her--Maybe it was out of fear? Out of expectation? Genuine admiration, possibly? I didn’t know for sure. Among us were a crowd of admirers at the castle gates, bearing gifts for her highness hoping that she will notice them. The crowd was still, aside from a few stragglers, but the guards kept them at bay. The crowd stood in anticipation until a mysterious voice called out from the horizon;

“Good day, everyone!”

    Without a moment’s notice, she appeared before us. She was a distinguished woman, clothed in fine leather, ornamented from her collar to her coattails with intricate designs. She was captivating, but something was off about her; her movements were stiff, her face was expressionless, her voice an eerie monotone. It was as if she was being controlled by someone else.

“Lady Lavendria…” she continued. The crowd gasped with excitement as she paused. “...Has more important matters to attend to. With that said, however, there is a face among the crowd her highness wishes to see.”

“Me, me! Pick me, pick me!” the crowd cheered, their rapturous cries erupting into an unintelligible hodgepodge of noise.

“The person I’m looking for…” the woman said “...Is technologist 2D0040.”

The crowd groaned dejectedly and tapered off, their gifts in hand, as they prepared to wait another day. The woman’s glance shifted to us, but she refused to move.

“You two,” she said “Welcome to castle Lavendria! Her highness is more than ready to see you. Please, come with me.”

    We walked over to her, and she teleported us to the throne room. Though the castle appeared dignified, the inside was nowhere near that; the walls were studded ornately with gemstones of the highest clarity, the banners sewn in the finest linen, and the areas below them were inscribed with elaborate murals, undermined only by the subdued lighting and being soiled by grime and dust. It was less of a palace and more akin to a homestead for a glorified hermit. The woman lead us to the entrance of the throne room, sealed by two large doors and hovered beside it, the doors opening as she spoke.

“Her highness awaits,” she whispered “Don’t keep her waiting, she has a lot on her mind today.”

“Thank you, servant F8E8FE. We will be on our way.” Void said.

    Though the woman was nearly out of sight, something still didn’t feel right; why did everyone go by codes instead of names? Why was everyone acting so stiff? Why is the castle so filthy? I didn’t know what I was in for, and the appearance of the castle just made everything worse! As we entered the throne room, I leaned over to Void to ask her a question.

“What’s going on here? Why is everyone going by codenames? Why is everyone acting so strange? I don’t-”

“Hush!” Void interrupted “I will explain later. For now, our only priority is to appease her highness, and who knows when she will-?”

“FINALLY!” a voice echoed from across the room, ringing with monotonous joy.

    We stopped in our tracks as the voice called out to us. I was terrified, I had seen enough; I tried to run, but Void grasped my arm as the doors shut behind us.

“Don’t. Move.” Void whispered, “Let me do the talking, she knows me best. Just do what I say, and we’ll be out of here in no time. Got it?”

    I nodded reluctantly, uncertain of what awaited us. Without warning, light burst through the room; before us stood the source of the voice, Lady Lavendria. She was a slender woman, about fifteen feet tall, with pitch black hair, clothes and a purple cape, perched belligerently atop a crystal throne. The room around her was enamored with pillars of quartz, inundated with mountains of treasure, and studded with the finest jewels in her possession.

“Technologist 2D0040, It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“I--” Void interjects.

“Everyone here has missed you SO much. Did you do anything meaningful recently? Did you achieve anything noteworthy? Meet any new people? Play any new games?” did you have fun?”

“Well, I--” Void stammers.

“Good, good. I’ve been busy, if you couldn’t tell; keeping order, interacting with subjects, collecting gems… It’s serious business, you know! It’s hardly given me a moment to clean up! Ha, ha, ha!”

    Every aspect of Lavendria’s behavior, all of it, raised a lot of red flags for me; her lack of expression was daunting, her failure to clean up after herself was inattentive, and she spoke in the same monotone voice as her servant. If I had to guess, her servant was less of a confidant and more of a puppet, a mouthpiece for her to speak from without leaving the luxury of her castle-- It was abnormal, to say the least. If her talking alone was enough to leave Void standing sheepish, I knew that I couldn’t trust her.

“Bow!” Void whispered as she nudged me on the shoulder “She lusts for respect! Who knows when she’ll turn to--?”

“Ah, and who do we have here?” Lavendria asked.

“I spoke too soon.” Void grumbled.

    Lavendria rose from her throne and fell to her knees, situating herself closer to me so we were level. She extended her hands and, with her nails sharp as spikes, twiddled my features as she spoke.

Great tenacity, modest attire, unflinching willpower… all features worthy of passing the test!” She rose to her feet and turned to Void “You have outdone yourself 2D0030, this is the best subject you’ve ushered me thus far!”

“Thank you, your highness!” she answers.

“If you wouldn’t mind me asking, what is her name?”

“She is subject D997FF, your highness.” She replied.

    That’s my name… THAT’S MY NAME?! I really was a pawn to the empire! They didn’t care WHO I was, they didn’t care WHAT I wanted to be! All they really cared about was the fact that I worked for THEM and that I was expendable! I couldn’t take this, I wouldn’t take it without a fight. Anger welled up within my core, my temper spiked, I sprung with new life that I had never felt before… and I LOVED it!

“D997FF, that’s a name I will remember!” Lavendria cheered “You have so much potential, I can see it in your eyes! you will fit in nicely alongside our other workers. You will start in the mines tomorrow, eight AM sharp. Go along now, get ready for tomorrow, I have more important matters to--”

“That’s not my name…” I muttered.

“ExCUSE me?!” she asked “I’ve never heard a slip of the tongue like that before, WHAT did you just say?”

“I SAID that’s not my name!” I repeated, rage piercing through my voice.

“Oh dear,” Void mumbles “This isn’t going to end well… D997FF, what are you doing? Get back here right this instant!”

“DON’T call me that!” I snapped, overtake by rage “I am NOT a number! I am NOT a pawn! I will NOT fall victim to this tyranny and spend my entire life slaving away at the mercy of some hermit! I WILL have a name, a name just like yours, a name that everyone will remember just as well as they remember yours!”

“My word…” Lavendria mumbled, taken aback by my outburst before slipping into a rage “What’s the meaning of this?! I saw promise in you, and now you are questioning my authority?! Get out of my sight! I never want to see you on these grounds again!”

    Lavendria gestured me towards the door, no longer tolerating my presence, and forced me to leave. Void stayed behind for a moment, her attempts at pulling the wool over Lavendria’s eyes failing in every way, and only making the situation worse.

“Don’t you DARE try to pull the wool over my eyes! You BETTER take her back and wipe her slate THIS INSTANT! If you do not shell her or shatter her by the end of today, it will be YOU who shall suffer instead of her!”

“Yes, your highness…” Void said defeatedly.

    I knew it, I was in trouble; after something like that, I knew I couldn’t escape without a few scratches… or bruises… or scars. I’d be lucky to escape with my life after something like that. Void would never forgive me for this, no matter how much I begged, and I wasn’t going to waste my time trying. I knew that she wasn’t willing to sacrifice herself for me either, she was too selfish for that, so I couldn’t escape whatever punishment I had coming for me. Despite that, I was ready, and I wasn’t willing to go down without a fight… Bring it on Void, I’m not scared of you!

Renewal

    When we came back home, Void paced around the room furiously as I sat at the table, mentally preparing myself for the roundhouse I was about to receive.

    “UN! AC! CEPTABLE!” Void yelled, “Two weeks of training, two weeks of raising you to be the best that you can be—WASTED! All I wanted was for you to be a RESPONSIBLE, RESPECTABLE civilian of Blacklight, someone who people could look at and say “hey, she seems like a hard worker, maybe I can try to be like that!” she paused and sighed in frustration as she buried her head in her hands,“I have made SO MANY well-behaving scientists in my labs, have been admired by SO MANY PEOPLE! What will this mean for me now? My reputation is RUINED!”

    I could shrug off the entirety of her tirade, as much of it was senseless ranting and raving. What got me, however, was those last four words— I arose from my chair, anger coursing through my body, and yelled: “What this means to YOU?! What do you mean WHAT DOES THIS MEAN TO YOU?!” I could feel the rage climax in my voice; ages of being lied to, ages of being used, ages of being betrayed… I felt all of it at once, and it was glorious. “You have lied to me about EVERYTHING; You said that I was unique, that no one else was like me, You LIED to me! Everything you told me on those first days, was that all a lie? Did you say all that to instill false hope within me? To FEEL like I had a purpose? You didn’t even give me a name!”

“I gave you a name!” she shouted back at me “Your name is subject D997FF, Is that not enough for you?”

    “It’s not!” I replied “you wanted me to call you Void, a name I could call you that I believed other people did too. I was wrong… The world sees us BOTH as pawns, as numbers, as variables… how are you able to stand this? How are you able to request such a luxury of me while refusing to give me one of my own? What AM I to you?”

    “You, Y-you…” I caught her stammering; I struck her in a place where it hurt, a place where she couldn’t fight back. She backed down until she raised her voice again “GO TO YOUR ROOM! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE FROM YOU, OR I’LL HAVE YOUR CORE! Got it?”

    Just when I thought I had won, I lost; A statement such as that is a death threat to us, as we cannot live without our cores. They are the hard drives that make us who we are, and if our cores are destroyed, then so are we. Begrudgingly, I shut my mouth and turned towards the stairs, glaring at Void and her smug smile from the corner of my eye with every ounce of hatred within me. Once I reached my room, I slammed the door in rage and dropped to the floor. Silence filled the air and drew me in with its captivating aura, one of solitude and reflection. I took a while to clear my head, to recapitulate every nuanced detail of what happened today, and to rethink everything Void has ever told me.

    I sat in silence for what felt like minutes, but turned out to be hours. Though the silence was captivating, the world outside was just as quiet, which raised red flags for me. I cracked the door open, and that feeling grew worse; the lights in the rest of the house were off, except for one room, where the door was shut and illuminated only from the bottom by an eerie pale glow. Alarms went off in my mind as I crept over to the room and cracked open the door, barely making a sound, but hearing a voice that sounded all too familiar…

“I can’t believe all that she did to me!” she said to herself “acting up in front of Lady Lavendria, naysaying the structure of the empire, behavior like that will RUIN me! Well, with this device, nothing like that will happen again…”

    Void pulled the device’s lever down as my face turned white with fear… She was going to SHELL me! In this world, being shelled is a fate worse than death; we remain alive and well, but lose everything that makes us unique! All we become is that of a glorified puppet, and I was next! My face went pale as I realized what would become of me, my life flashing before my eyes. I was terrified; I wanted to cry, I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t, I had to hold it all in, as she was one door away from shelling me.

    “Okay, that’s enough rambling,” she said, stepping away from the control panel and approaching the door “It’s time for me to bring her here. She’s been in her room for a while now, I hope she isn’t too torn up by our argument earlier. I just have to put on a cheerful face, and soon, it’ll all be over”

She was going to shell me. I was going to lose everything, I was going to become her puppet, I was going to lose my will...

I was gonna…

I was gonna...

…NO.

I wouldn’t let it happen.

    I swallowed my pride and ran for it, ran like I never did before. Tears clouded my eyes as I laid everything on the line. I sprinted to my room and barricaded the door, with little time to act. Desperate for ideas, I turned towards the window and made an escape plan; I removed my cardigan and tied it into a rope, then tied it around the hatch of the window…

“Subject D997FF, are you there? I have a surprise for you!”

    Oh no, that was her! I didn’t have much time! I tied the cardigan on the window as fast as I could, tied the free sleeve to my arms, and jumped. The sleeve attached to the window pulled it shut just as planned, finally out of her sight. No longer would I be suppressed by her, no longer would I be a pawn. I would be on my own, I could finally be myself, but there was one fatal flaw in my plan; My cardigan was still visible from the window! I tugged at the cardigan to pull it loose, tugging at it until it split in two. What was left inside fell from the latch and onto the floor, appearing nothing more than a soiled rag, and unrecognizable to the average eye. I sighed in relief as I strolled through the alleys, not a doubt in my mind, not turning back, until I saw two figures bathed in shadow.

“what’s your name?” they asked.

“I… I don’t know” I answered meekly “I haven’t given myself a name yet…”

“That’s the answer we’re looking for.” they answered “come with us. The empire has refused to give us identity for years, and we want to fight back. I think you’ll fit right in.”

    For the first time in ages, I felt something new, something… joyous. I wasn’t alone, I was never alone, and I could take solace that there were other people out there, people like me. They lead me to the Blacklight underground, a mob of misfits united under one cause; the need to break free. I was welcomed with open arms, treated like one of their own, and supported by them every step of the way. Sure, there were disagreements as the family grew, but we overcame our differences and grew stronger as a result. They helped me grow, they let me make my own decisions, they helped me become who I you know me as today; Shadow the muscle, Shadow the mechanic, Shadow the freethinker...

“...and to think that a thousand years later, I’ve found a new family.” I mumbled, tearing up as I saw my friends stare back at me compassionately. “I… I wouldn’t trade you guys for the world…”

I hung my head low as I crumbled under the weight of my emotions, trying as hard as I could to prevent them from seeing me cry. But once I heard them rush to my side and try to comfort me, I recognized that I was in good company, and even in my moments of weakness, they would always be by my side, something that was rare for me a thousand years ago.

“I understand how hard it is to come forward about something like that,” Aqua reassured me as she held my shoulder “All of us have had to reveal the truth, no matter how bitter it was…”

“Like how I suppressed nearly a thousand years worth of abuse from my boss.” Chlora added.

“How I buried years animosity from an obtrusive, unrequited crush.” Pyro added.

“How I confined myself to my lab and worked myself to the bone out of fear that you would learn the truth between bumble and I.” Electra added.

“And how I had to admit the truth to you guys about my mother.” Aqua concluded “None of it was pleasant, all of it was shocking, but we were here for each other, every step of the way. Why would you think that we wouldn’t support you? We’re always here for you!”

    “You guys really ARE too nice to me,” I blushed “But that’s why I’ll never take it for granted. I want to be by your side in the same way that everyone else was to me, and I’m ready for whatever comes next. Who’s with me?”

“We are!” everyone yelled in reply.

    It was only then, after a thousand years of trials to overcome, insecurities to hide, and trauma to repress, that I came to terms with who I am now. I’m in a circle where everyone accepts me for who I am, where I can fight for the good of everyone, where I can feel safe. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through. I want everyone to be accepted. Though I was born from the shadows, I can still see the light. It’s far from my reach and hard to achieve, I will get there, and bring it to those just like me.

THE END.