I’ll tell you this, my mother and I have a strained relationship. It is mostly her fault on account that she is psycho. When I was eight, my father sexually abused me. Instead of leaving the bastard, she helped him get out of the country, and I was told to never say his name again.
That’s fine with me. I wouldn’t want to talk about him anyway.
“So what are you doing at school today?” She’s making small talk, its pathetic.
“I don’t know, I haven’t gotten there yet…” I keep my eyes on the road, never once looking at her.
“Oh, well, have fun with whatever your doing…How’s your Chemistry grade?” It’s funny because I’m failing Calculus not Chemistry. I’m not even in Chemistry.
“Oh gosh well, I have a D right now.”
“Oh, well, that’s better than an F, right?” she asks.
“Oh look, there’s the station, have a good day at work mom,” I say still looking at the road. She gets out of the car.
I make a left towards my school. I can not wait to get there, today is going to be the most perfect day in my life. I cross the bridge and look out onto the water. It’s a huge river that my old friend Rita had a boat on. Her mom would take us out on the boat. Whenever her dad offered to take us, I wouldn’t go. I don’t trust men. There is only one guy I trust, one guy that makes me happy.
Rita and I aren’t friends anymore. In fact, she thinks I’m the weirdest kid in school. I don’t blame her, I would think I was weird too. Thinking of Rita is making me depressed, and I don’t want to ruin my perfect day. So I think about that one guy that makes me happy, Chris. I pull into the parking lot, and into my spot. Time for school.

Chris is in my homeroom. I’m usually really nervous during homeroom, but today I walk in confident. I’ve caught a lot of people’s attention.
“Wow Kelly, lookin good,” Brett says. Brett hits on every girl, so I’m not impressed. But I smile and wink at him, just to mess with him. Chris is staring at me. I can feel it, but I don’t look in his direction. I sit down in my desk.
Chris has a crush on me, I know that for sure. It started in freshman year. We were lab partners in Biology, and he would be blushing the whole period. I freaked him out once by taking his hand and helping him focus the microscope in the right direction. His face was still burning later at lunch.
In sophomore year, we sat next to each other in Pre-Calculus. He would purposely forget his textbook, so that he could share with me. He did this everyday for the whole school year. I guess he didn’t care that Mr. Garrend was taking points off his grade for poor preparation.
Junior year was interesting between myself and Chris. It was a big party, the whole grade was invited. And of course the party eventually turned into Spin the Bottle. When it was Chris’s turn to spin, he was almost shaking. I knew it was going to land on me though. I took him by the hand and we went upstairs. Danielle Thomason was at the door with a stop watch, seven minutes and nothing more. Seven minutes in heaven quickly escalated into touching, but nothing more than that. We were both in heaven though.
I like Chris a lot, I might even love him. I don’t know why we haven’t gotten together officially. I think I’m afraid he won’t like me once he finds out how messed up I am. But that is going to change, today. The proctor takes attendance, and then first bell rings. As I get up to leave someone taps my shoulder. I know its Chris though.
“Hey Kells, you look great, wanna walk to Cooking together?” I love the nicknames he calls me. He has about 15 of them.
“Oh sure Chris, and thanks, your not looking too bad yourself,” I grab my text book and hold it close to my chest.

Chris walks over to me while our chicken parmesian is in the oven. I am writing something like a letter in a fresh notebook.
“Hey, Kel-Kel, what are you writing?” I look up at him. His smiling face is making me melt.
“A letter to Mr. Jacobs saying that I would like some extra credit for the quarter,” I lie.
“You really are a nerd, Kell My Belle.” We both laugh. “So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to-“
The oven timer goes off. He gets up and takes out our chicken. After nearly burning his hand closing the oven, he runs back to where I am sitting. I know exactly what Chris is going to say. He will say something like “Hey Kelly-Belly, I wanted to know if maybe we could catch a movie tonight.”
But I have other plans, I want today to be the perfect day. And it is going to be exactly that. The bell is about to ring, and I scribble a note quickly. I rip it out and fold it and walk up to Chris and put it in his pocket. He smiles at me. I grab my purse and as the bell rings, I head to study hall.

“Mrs. Yendy, may I go see Mr. Johnston, I need to finish an exam?” I smile at her. Without even answering, she hands me a pass and shoes me out of the room. I walk down the hallway and I grow anxious. I’m not going to see Mr. Johnston. I’m meeting Chris in a janitors closet.
I know it sounds risky, but I know this school like the back of my hand. The janitors hate this one closet because the sink floods, they haven’t used it since October. The head janitor, Murphy, says that the damage is so great, that they will have to work on it over the summer.
I open it and walk in. Chris is already sitting there on an upside down bucket. He is red again.
“Hi Kelzo, why did you want to meet in here?” He looks like a little boy.
“Chris, I want to know something.”
“What do you want to know?” I walk closer to him.
“How you feel about me.” I wrap my arms around his neck. He swallows hard, but he is smiling so I know he’s okay.
“Kells, you know how I feel about you…” He doesn’t know what to say. But there is one word I have to hear.
“Just tell me Chris, just tell me,” I start to lean in. He does as well.
“I really like you, Kells,” he whispers. That wasn’t the answer I was looking for. I try to pull away alittle, but its to late, our lips have already met. I feel a mix of emotions as I struggle to break away. When I finally do, Chris looks hurt.
“Kelzo, what’s wrong? Isn’t this what you wanted?” He looks so confused. I start to cry.
“No, Chris, no,” I cry, “This isn’t how its supposed to happen.” I drop to the floor. He follows me.
“Kells, Kells, what did I say?”
I grab the door handle and run out of the room. I leave Chris behind. I run right to my car. I unlock it and sit in the drivers seat and cry until I’m drowning in my own tears.
All my life, I wanted to be loved. But love never seemed to want me as much as I wanted it. I wasn’t loved by my mother, I wasn’t loved by my father, and my only friend left me. Just a few years ago, I decided that if love didn’t want me by my senior year, I would end my life. As soon as I woke up this morning, I knew today was the day to either find love at last or end the pain. Maybe I expected too much from Chris, but at this point, maybe its best just to end it all.
I start up my car and exit the parking lot.

I park my car on the side of the road and walk out onto the bridge. The water is pretty deep and the drop is about 5 stories. I’m not afraid though. I put down my purse, my keys and phone. I double check for my fresh notebook with my suicide note in it. I triple check. The notebook isn’t in my bag. I look around frantically. It must be in the school somewhere.
I think about going back for it, but I just cant bring myself to go back there. Chris is there.
It doesn’t matter anyway. Not like anyone would even care if I was gone. They really don’t need a note. I guess I just thought that maybe someone might want to know why I jumped, how I just wanted love.
I climb onto the railing and balance myself very carefully. How sucky would it be if I slipped and fell, without even getting to think about something nice before I die. I close my eyes and think about my life. I think about when I was five, and my parents actually loved me.
I shed a little tear thinking about it, and I’m about to jump when I hear a car pull up next to me on the bridge.
“KELZO DON’T DO IT!” he screams at me. Its Chris. I don’t turn around.
“How did you know where I was?”
“I found this in the closet.” I turn around now. He is holding my notebook. I turn back around.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just end it…” he is ruining my death.
“Because I-”
“What?”
“Because I LOVE YOU!” He yell startles me. I start to slip. As I let out a scream, a hand catches my arm.
Frantically he pulls me up, and once I am over the edge and onto safe ground, he holds me close and kisses my forehead. I cry into his shoulder and he rocks me back and forth like a child. When the shock has left our bodies, he carries me to his car and puts me in the passanger seat. He drives me to the hospital.

Chris saved my life.
I have deep depression, caused from sexual abuse. My mom is being charged for helping my father escape the country. I live with my aunt, who lives in the same town as we did. I have never been so happy.
Chris came everyday after school to visit me in the hospital. He would bring me flowers or balloons or teddy bears. He would fall asleep in the armchair, while I watch reruns of I Love Lucy.
One day, I asked him if what he said on the bridge was true.
“Kelly, I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.” He kisses me on the fore head.
After I was released, we went out on our first date.
Looking back, its funny how I thought that that day was going to be perfect because I was either going to find love, or end the pain. Its almost silly even. I was in so much pain, and I was so in love, I should have just gotten help. I shouldn’t have kept it bottled up for so long. I should have come to terms with my depression and anger.
I’m just thankful that Chris was there to save me. After so much personally frustration and anger, it feels almost unreal to be loved. So, thank you my darling Chris for being the light in my life, I hope you all have your own Chris to make your day.