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The Forgotten
Summary:
After Adrian kidnaps Leah, she will discover a thing or two about him.
1) He is handsome
2) He is evil
3) He isn't human
And he is dead set on turning her into a creature of the night, a happy ever after for him and a forever for her.
Nina D.
The Forgotten
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This book has 25 comments.
I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?
Hopefully I wasn't just repeating a lot of what other people said, that was just my two cents. Definitely keep writing, though (:
I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)
Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.
Great work! :)
This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:
"He is aloud to take a break, I'm not angry with Him."
This was a spelling error: "allowed," instead of "aloud."
"It was under my own free will. I could have stayed in bed that day. I could have slept in. The night before, I could have turn ed my alarm off. I could have canceled my date with my girlfriends. I could have. But I didn't."
You commonly would write with choppy sentences. This can be fixed easily by combining these sentences using commas and such.
"I guess it was faith, I was destined to die that day, a Sunday."
Again, a typo: I believe you meant "fate" instead of "faith."
Otherwise, I did enjoy reading what you've posted of this novel. Don't worry too much about the mistakes; they're very common with many writers, and everyone makes them. But keep on writing, I can't wait to read more! I would also like to add that I liked the narrator because she used her own sense of humor and sarcasm in many situations. I thought she was funny. And I have a character in my novel names Adrian too! I absolutely love that name :)
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