I lay there as the sun shines down on my face. I cover the brightness with my arm. I look over to see one of my best friends with that smile she always has on her face. I'm finally doing something and getting out of the house. I ring out my hair to get the water out that's still dripping from it. As I lay there I can only thing of one thing. I just wish it could get out of my head.
I've never felt like I wanted something so much yet at the same time feel so guilty that I want it. Felt like I had an urge for it yet that urge gave me a terrible feeling every time I thought about it. Like I really want it...but wanting it is wrong.
I try and laugh along with my friend to get my mind off of it. But the thought won't leave my head. This decision is one of the hardest decisions I think I've ever had to make. I know what the right thing is to do. But at the same time I want to do the wrong thing.
I've always been a good girl. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I've just never really gotten myself in trouble. The worst thing I've ever done is sneak out with my friend one night when she slept over. But all we did is walk around my apartment complex. Oooo so bad. Haha. I'm labeled as the good christian girl who never cusses. The one people can come to. The one people can trust. I love that label though. But why do I find myself wanting to do something like this?
Ok lets look at what's stoping me. For one...doing it would be totally against my beliefs and promises to myself. Also I'd be a pretty big hypocrite. I mean I just told my friend a couple weeks ago that doing this is wrong. And now I find myself thinking about doing it myself. On the other side..it's not like I have to tell anyone. Well no obviously if I did it I wouldn't tell anyone. Ugh, I'm just making excuses for myself.
Haha this reminds me of that poem or whatever we learned in middle school...the road less traveled. Whatever it's called. There are so many decisions to make in life. Should I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich..or ham and cheese? Um...I think this situations a little more serious. But you get my point. And like every little decision you make could effect you for the rest of your life..either in a negative or positive way.
I know making the right decision in this case would make me feel a lot better. And if I did the wrong thing I could regret it. Well, for now I'm just gonna enjoy a day at the pool with my friend. Try and forget about it and I guess whatever decision i make is just meant to be.