The feeling of having no control over something changing in your life is very frustrating, especially as a child. I always thought change was something bad, I didn't like the idea of it because I liked what I was used too, and what I had always grown up knowing. My parents were married for 16 years, so my whole life up until I was a pre-teen I always thought of my family as just my brother, mom, dad, and myself. Everything started changing when I moved. My parents started being more distant with each other, and the very first time I heard them fight was when I was 11. That was the exact moment I knew things in my family would be different, and I felt I was at loss and shocked.

Once we moved back to Michigan when I was 12, everything started to change for good in my family. I remember I was laying in my bed relaxing, when I heard my parents walking up the stairs; their feet making a thumping noise with each step. Like always, I wondered why they were coming up to my room to talk to me. I was distant with them at the time, because I never knew what to talk about. My mom was always stressed out, and my dad seemed angry a lot of the time, so I felt awkward having conversation with them. They knocked on my door gently waiting for my response. “Yeah” I said, and they opened the door and walked in. My mom said, “Lauren, we need to talk”, and at that moment I started to panic. I knew I wasn't in trouble, so what could it be? At first I thought something really bad happened, like someone in my family was in the hospital. I always over think situations negatively and my mind starts to wonder and I worry. I nervously said “Alright”, only giving a one word response because I was scared.

They both sat on my bed with me and proceeded to tell me how much they love me, and what they were about to tell me wasn't mine or my brothers fault. I finally made sense of what was happening and realized what they were about to say. Once I figured it out, it wasn't much of a surprise to me. All the arguments and disagreements between them, and the loss of love for each other, I started to think this was bound to happen. I still wanted this conversation to be over with, and I so badly want to blurt out, “I know you’re getting a divorce!”, but I didn't. I didn't say it just in case I was wrong. I felt like my family was falling apart, and there was nothing I could do to change that. Moments later my dad said, “Honey, we’re going to get a divorce”, and I knew they were waiting for the tears to come, but they didn't. I just sat there not knowing what to say because I already saw this coming. I didn't want to cry either; I always kept my feelings to myself, and dealt with everything on my own. I didn't like crying in front of people, even if it was just my parents, I liked being by myself when I was upset and angry. I felt safe in my own room by myself, and I felt like I could let all of my emotions out there. So all I did was look at them and say “Okay”. Nothing else, just that bland, emotionless word. They proceeded to ask if I was alright, and of course I said yes. I liked to act strong in front of my family when I knew we were all hurting. I wanted to act like everything was okay, even if it wasn't. My parents knew this, and knew I was still upset so they asked if I wanted to be alone or if I wanted them to stay in my room with me and I said, “No, it’s okay I’ll come downstairs in a little bit”. My mom said, “Okay, well if you need anything or want to talk we will be down there”, and then they both told me they loved me, and hugged me. On their way out they closed the door, leaving me to think and be by myself, which was exactly what I wanted at that time.

Looking back, their divorce wasn't as bad as what I've heard other families go through. My parents can get along and be civil with each other and I can tell that they’re both happier now, which makes me happy. Going through this divorce, I've realized that people change as they grow up and get older, and some people grow apart from each other. I've learned change doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, even though it may seem like it at the time. I've learned to open up about my feelings to others, and that it’s not good to bottle up all my anger and sadness. I've also grown stronger from this experience and I can’t imagine what my life would be like if my parents were still together today. I've gained so many more people in my life that I love because of their divorce, and I’m grateful for that.