“Screw your courage to the sticking place, and we will not fail.”

  When I was in Year 6, I started to be interested in acting. I did not know where the interest came from. Maybe it was because I am a grandiose person who takes great pleasure in having attention fixed on them (Know anybody like that?), or because I enjoy playing a Martian with an attitude of a stereotypical Spartan from Ancient Greece who frequently yells at everyone. Whatever the reason was, I was quite good at playing my role even though the character was as shallower than a puddle of water. After that Blossom Day, I started to love acting on a stage, where I could escape from my body and become someone else without any fear of judgement.

   As I flowed into Year 7, I laid foot on  the path of reading deeper novels where a character is neither good or evil- they just want to survive. Two of those characters were Cersei Lannister (from A Song Of Ice and Fire series by George R.R Martin)with her green, feline eyes and Margaret of Anjou who has a stronger will than her husband (from Wars Of the Roses series by Conn Iggluden). Little did I know, these two characters would create a foundation for my personality for the role I was going to play. As I read Martin’s narration of the Red Wedding, I could feel the pounding of the words in my mind on every page, the whisper of the paper and the feeling that I had been thrown into an icy bath after that chapter. On other events, I felt the words gently caressing me, but hinting now and then at an event similar to the Red Wedding.  

   When we were having Theatre class on a Wednesday morning, the teacher announced that our class would create a school play of Macbeth. After I got home, I immediately wrote an email to her explaining why I would be good for the role of Lady Macbeth in fear that someone would take it away from me. If you like more details, it went something like this: I know characters similar to Lady Macbeth(Cersei and Margaret) and I am good at remembering poetry.So can I (please) have the role? My self-advertisement email turned out to be unnecessarily sent because the other girls later told me that they were intimidated by her long lines(she does have a ton).But, that proved my eagerness and one day later, I got what I wanted- I would play Lady Macbeth.

   For days, I spent hours preparing. It was harder than I thought- I had to look at other performances and add complexity to her character. Actually, watching the other performances and learning the lines were enough for everyone else.   But, I was determined to show I was a good actress and it was not enough for me. Therefore, day and night, I would spend time making up her backstory and putting her in situations that were not in the play. 

   One of these common exercises I had given to myself was making her host a 12 course dinner party on a cruise (she had a smile that did not reach her eyes sculpted on her Dior- lipsticked mouth whenever she had to answer a ‘foolish’ question ). It was entertaining and surprisingly easy. Honestly though, you would be amused as well picturing this crazy lady wearing a dark green evening gown drinking champagne all the while wishing she could fling her husband on his chair into the sea for stifling a laugh the moment he saw her holding a glass.  The reason for this is because it reminded him of the time she ‘had a great love for classical music’ (read: drank too much of the liquid and started to sing opera). 

   Aside from character-preparation, there was rehearsal. As tedious and tiring it was, the class kept on until we could run the whole show through with little comment from the teacher. One common problem we had was some people kept on forgetting their cues and lines (embarrassingly, I forgot my cues once or twice). Even worse, the actor for Macbeth could not remember his lines. Despite the fact I had been told several times in my life to mind my own business, I panicked. Called it perfectionism or what- you -will, but I cannot prevent myself from freaking out. To me it was unfair- how could I spend so much time working on my character when he can’t even remember his lines? I wanted to sit him down after lunchtimes and make him remember them, but I knew he was not dedicated as I was and would probably despise me for it. Now that I think about it, this was the Macbeths in real life- I had the ambition but he is the one who could fulfill it. Sadly, I did not have Lady Macbeth’s manipulation skills to make him remember his lines so I did not do anything about the situation.

  A few months later, lockdown started.The show was cancelled. Torn between being relieved I won’t have to stress about missing my cues or disappointed that the event that I had been looking forward to got cancelled,I was certain about one thing-  my efforts were fruitless. All the time I had spent polishing my acting, the times I worried, the sweat shed rehearsing were all thrown in a plastic bag and dumped into the reeking, disgusting trash. 

  My classmates did not seem very disappointed,though. Was it because I built a bond with my character or was it because I want to show off my acting skills? Either way, I was dismayed but knew very well that complaining is useless. It was cancelled for the sake of everyone not getting COVID-19 and it would be selfish of me to voice my disappointment on the cancellation of a school play when people around the world are losing their loved ones to sickness. As selfish as that was, I still brooded. Like I said, I was looking forward to this event so much then all of a sudden, it got cancelled. All the days of excitement are gone.

 However, when the teacher announced that we would be performing the show on Blossom Day, I was delighted all those moments I had spent character-building did not wind up in my face. My efforts, it seems, did not go into the trash after all- they landed just beside the bin.

  The Blossom Day filming took longer than I had expected. First, we had to film ourselves saying certain lines. But then, that plan got cancelled. The new plan was to say our lines on Zoom while the teacher films with her phone.Later she edited it and showed it to us. To my astonishment, it went quite well. 

  Now I am in Year 8. Currently, there is no school play for me to act in. But, I will always use my memories of preparing for Lady Macbeth to guide me in the future. Although the live play has been cancelled, I will always remember her as the character who inspired me to be so dedicated to a role. I wish I could still perform in the live play, but I cannot turn back. The role has left me, but I learned so much more about character-preparation than I did before. After all, what’s done cannot be undone. The only thing I could do next is to keep my head up for a new play to act in.