I was adjusting to the move- the move from Singapore to Kentucky, half a world away. This had been my third time moving in ten years. I had been born in Texas and moved to Kentucky at the age of two and Singapore at the age of eight- what a culture shock! The kicker was that I would have to adjust right back again.

I had left the middle of my third grade year and was now starting the beginning of my fourth grade year in August. It was totally obvious that I was new- I talked extremely fast, had an Asian accent, and spoke “Singlish.” (Singlish is basically the way Singaporeans speak English and a very bad habit.) but adjusting would take more than switching from aeroplane to airplane, s to z and u’s to no u’s. it’s not as easy as it seems.

My friend in the fourth grade was Natalie Westerling- sharing the same first name made the friendship special. We did everything together at school. Sometimes, her mom would come and bring lunch- and they would share with me. It looked like I would be fine. But it didn’t last.

One day, I saw Natty (there were three Natalies in our class that year and she went by Natty) with Kaitlin Digney. There was nothing for me to worry about- it was just friend-to-friend, no big deal. But I started to see Natty with Kaitlin a lot more- and more and more and more. Eventually, I knew that they had become best friends. The world was different. My opinion of America spiraled downward from there on out because things haven’t really changed since then. The day that I really was hurt, however, was the first day I was obviously rejected.

The class was to get into groups of three. I watched and tried to find a group, but everyone else was already situated. Even Natty and Kaitlin had excluded me, finding another girl. And so I was left alone in the middle of the room. The teacher overlooked me there, standing by myself.

What was I, second rate? Was it my ethnicity? After all, the town was ninety percent white. Or was it just me? Was it because of something I am that makes me a lower class than everyone else? What happened to equality? I realized many things that day- the cruelty of friends, the cruelty of the world, rejection, how real problems start to form, and how stupid I was being. It was stupid. I was stupid. I was stupid for trusting. I must be stupid for Natty to pick Kaitlin over me.

And so standing there, I began to cry. In the fourth grade classroom, I was ignored in a room full of people as I felt the first stab of reality that first time I was hurt.