In Latin, my name means worthy of praise. In Greek, my name means flower, flourishing. It means Independent, spiritual, creative. My name is like the number thirty. A lonely number, always at the end, but that’s okay. My name is the color teal, like ocean colors. It is a flowing name just like the waters of the Pacific and the Atlantic oceans.

My mother could not decide between the two names, Tia and Toni. She chose Toni, and the only reason given was because she liked the way it sounded. It was never a common name for a girl. My name is meant to be for a boy, but it is spelt differently, with an I at the end, instead of a Y. I have been asked plenty, “is Toni short for something?” No, that is my name. Not Antonia, not Antoinette.

My name is organized and simple. It is like fall season, every tree turning into yellows, oranges and reds, everything shifting in its right place of time. It feels more like an orange leaf. Not rough, but a softer, more fuzzy kind of leaf.

It sounds like thunder at times because of my short tempered personality. But it can also sound like the wind brushing through trees, because of the quiet, yet peaceful side of my temper.

When I was younger, kids would laugh with my name. There was a song that kids danced to during gym class in elementary school. The song recalled pointing to your toes and knees, so you had to point to your toes and your knees, and when that part came over the speaker, every kid would direct their eyes towards me. I never found it as funny as the other kids in my gym class did, but I learned to tolerate it.

If I had the chance to change my name, I probably wouldn’t take it. Although, if I did have a different name, I would want a name that people wouldn’t ask so much about, or forget how to spell correctly. Toni as Selia or Ivy or Athena. Something such as the name Ivy, meaning faithful. Ivy is also a plant, and just like plants, we as humans grow too.