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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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This article has 1986 comments.

Juelglitter BRONZE said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 6:19 pm
Juelglitter BRONZE, Amarillo, Texas
3 articles 15 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

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AH! I hate Twilight, and loved this!! Amazing job, hilarious. Thank you, thank you for making my day.
russianreader BRONZE said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 5:04 pm
russianreader BRONZE, Charlotte, Vermont
2 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.&quot;

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I'm a huge Twilight fan, but you did a good job, putting everything into a short funny story!!!
Gabiiiii BRONZE said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 4:04 pm
Gabiiiii BRONZE, Independence, Oregon
4 articles 1 photo 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In a world where billions believe their deity conceived a mortal child with a virgin human, it&#039;s stunning how little imagination most people display.&quot; --Chuck Palahnuik

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Oh my lanta, that was amazing!

That's all i saw on the big screen, don't know about the Twihearts(?), but i think this is much better. ; D

cityskyline said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 10:41 am
cityskyline, Lawrenceburg, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Man can no more diminish God&#039;s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word &quot;darkness&quot; on the walls of his cell. -C.S. Lewis

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Bravo!! lmao :D you are a master :)
Alula BRONZE said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 10:17 am
Alula BRONZE, Parrish, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;it&#039;s kind of like a banana and a banana...&quot;

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That... was fabulous. i was laughing so hard XD
lightningscar- BRONZE said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 9:24 am
lightningscar- BRONZE, Stratford, Other
3 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are many causes for which I would die for, but none for which I would kill.<br /> -Ghandi

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Oh my gosh! So I'm not the only one who thought a dance off could claerly reperesent Eclipse! :D
boycrazy1 said...
on Oct. 22 2010 at 4:40 pm
R u really Lady Gaga? becuz u would not have any time to read this if u really were
TrinityCreed said...
on Oct. 22 2010 at 7:42 am
And I thought the Twilight saga couldn't get any worse. WRONG!! LOL.
VampireX GOLD said...
on Oct. 22 2010 at 7:39 am
VampireX GOLD, Spotsylvania, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 81 comments
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WOW!!! I ROFLMAO!
liveloud BRONZE said...
on Oct. 21 2010 at 8:41 pm
liveloud BRONZE, Cresskill, New Jersey
1 article 2 photos 14 comments
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this is hilarious, i love it!
FunFace GOLD said...
on Oct. 21 2010 at 8:30 pm
FunFace GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
11 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Z is for zed which is for fred which is for harry potter which is for couldron, DUH&quot; -My friend and I

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This is intensely hilarious i must show this to my twilight fan friends LMAO 

You should make some more of these for other Series.

Chkl so funny

amberglow13 SILVER said...
on Oct. 21 2010 at 3:46 pm
amberglow13 SILVER, Tulsa, Oklahoma
8 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Always remember that you are unique--just like everybody else.&quot;

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ha! that was great! i'm not the biggest fan of the series but wow, that was funny! why isn't this in the mag?
krazzykat97 said...
on Oct. 20 2010 at 10:53 am
krazzykat97, West Plains, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Music is my Life, Acting is my Passion, and the Arts are my World.

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That is so funny! I love it! 
12MELODY BRONZE said...
on Oct. 19 2010 at 1:55 pm
12MELODY BRONZE, Columbus, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
love is the key to everything

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i really love the twilight series to they are so fun to read
Love2write said...
on Oct. 18 2010 at 5:35 pm
This was hilarious! I loved it very much :) It really made my day.
Anonymous said...
on Oct. 17 2010 at 7:23 pm
OK OK lol jeez!!
Katie1234 GOLD said...
on Oct. 17 2010 at 10:25 am
Katie1234 GOLD, Velva, North Dakota
10 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When life becomes more than you can stand; fall to your knees&quot;<br /> &quot;To be normal is to be boring.&quot;<br /> &quot;You cannot make men good by law.&quot; <br /> &quot;Christians believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God because He said so.&quot;<br /> &quot;To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.&quot;

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I loved it! I love the Twilight Saga, but this... PERFECTION! My favorite part has to be where it says.  "It was anti-climatic." That part of the series really was anti-climatic. It had to have been the most boring part!
AussiMusicLover BRONZE said...
on Oct. 15 2010 at 10:32 pm
AussiMusicLover BRONZE, Central Coast, Other
4 articles 1 photo 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
When you are in Love you can&#039;t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams <br /> The hottest love has the coldest end. <br /> Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop <br /> Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful.

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BAHAHAHA!!! LMAO.. this is HALARIOUS!!! YOUR BETTER THAT STEFANIE MYER ANYDAY!!!
fashionlover16 SILVER said...
on Oct. 15 2010 at 2:27 pm
fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I honestly don&#039;t know what my favorite personal quote is. I can tell u what i like, if u want that. I really like the twilight series. whenever my mom suggests that we should go shopping, i light up. I love shopping. well thats about it, byez!!!!! &lt;3

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JOKING!!!!!!! I AM THE BIGGEST FAN EVER OF TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! I WUZ JUST JOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!
anonymous said...
on Oct. 15 2010 at 2:16 pm

Oh my...how can you not know what Twilight is? Bella? Edward? Jacob? The Volturi? Forks, Washington? Does any of this ring a bell?

I'm not the hugest fan of the story, but it's a pretty good series, if you're into vampires and "werewolves" (with all due respect to the Quileutes, who are not in fact werewolves, but rather, shapeshifters). Look for Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. You can find those books just about anywhere.