(Sigh)
Hey everyone. I noticed that the reviews I've presented to you guys have been about good movies and games or at the least decent movies and games. And I felt that I should review something that is just awful. And I found the perfect movie. It was painful to watch, annoying as hell, and so over-the-top. No, it's not Carnosaur, but it's just as bad. I'm a glutton for punishment so let's get this over with.
Batman and the death of a franchise, otherwise known as Batman & Robin. Before I review this cinematic abomination, a little history. The first Batman movie was released is 1989 which was directed by Tim Burton, and he made the sequel Batman Returns which was a lot darker than Batman. So Burton was booted off, and replaced with Joel Schumacher who directed batman Forever. Batman forever wasn't bad, but it was definitely more child friendly. They brought in stars like Jim Carrey, some bright flashy colors, and some pretty cheesy one liners like, "Chicks dig the car." Now, when Schumacher directed the next film, Batman & Robin, audiences hated it. And I'm here to explain why it's so hated. So let's get this over with.

So, you've got your hero Batman played by George Clooney, who I think makes Val Kilmer's Batman (the Batman in Batman Forever) look the Dark Knight as he would, should, and could ever be. No offense to his acting, but he didn't give a very good performance as Batman. It's like "I'm just a dude in a cape. Hi Freeze, I'm Batman." I didn't see very much effort put into it. He doesn't have to sound like he has throat cancer like Christian Bale, but still. Along with Batman, you have Robin played by Chris O'Donnell. And the movie starts out with them in the Bat cave, wearing bat-suits that come complete with freaking Bat-nipples, and Bat-ass. Enter, "The ambiguously-gay duo!" joke here. It starts out with complete cheese with Robin going, "I want a car. Chicks dig the car." then Batman responds by saying, "This is why Superman works alone." Then Robin turns to Alfred and goes, "Don't wait up for me Al." and Alfred says, "I'll cancel the pizzas." Why did I type those out? Because I want you to understand how stupid, and cheesy the lines of dialogue are. Those are literally the first pieces of dialogue in this movie. It's bad, but it's going to get a lot worse, trust me. Our villain in this movie is Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, which I didn't think would work. I thought that Patrick Stewart would be good as Mr. Freeze. And Arnold only says one-liners in this movie about a certain subject matter: Ice. He says annoying one-liners like, "The Iceman Cometh, Let's kick some Ice, Can you be cold, Chill, Freeze well, Cool party, Stay cool..." and more annoying lines like those. Freeze is the main villain, but you've also got Poison Ivy played by Alumna Thurman, who was nominated for an Oscar before this movie came out and watching her act is painfully irritating. And you've also got Bane in this movie, and they completely destroyed Bane, because basically a Sasquatch on chemo. He's a big idiot going around saying, "Bane!" Just Stupid! So what's the story? What little story there is: Mr. Freeze is stealing diamonds to power his sub-zero suit and his freezing gun which he's going to use to hold Gotham for ransom so he can get money to find a cure for his wife who is cryogenically frozen. Did that sound as stupid as you hearing it as me saying it? That's rhetorical, because it sounded so stupid. He's got a dozen diamonds the size of footballs and he doesn't consider cashing them in to get money to find a cure. For those who are trying to make money, just so you know, spending billions of dollars to get billions of dollars is just sh#tty business. Oh, and Alicia Silverstone as Bat-girl. Moronic. In fact, I think Joel Schumacher just casted his friends in this movie. The movie is complete and utter cheese, and over-the-top. This movie is sh#t but it's a lot of fun picking out the parts that don't make sense or parts that are so stupid. That and the effects are horrible. Like near the end of the movie, a cop opens his car door and the icicles wobble. Rubber icicles. Poor effects. And you know how the bat-mobile looks like a toy? Well because everything that was made in this movie was first designed to look like a toy. In fact, on the special features of the DVD, one of the guys actually said he felt like he was shooting a commercial for toys. Everyone who's anyone who wants to make a movie knows that the toys aren't a buy-product of the movie, the movies are the buy-product of the toys. This movie was made to make toys, and that's a fact. But to Schumacher's credit, he actually apologized for this movie. So, that's something I guess. But that doesn't excuse the fact that I think Batman & Robin is a 1 out of 5, which makes it dog sh#t in my book. And in case you were wondering, this is my rating system for my stuff: % out of 5 is Awesometastic, 4 out of 5 is Worth buying on DVD, 3 out of 5 is a Good time, 2 out of 5 is Pretty bad but not horrible, 1 out of 5 is Dog Sh#t, and a 0 out of 5 is Elephant Sh#t. And as we all know, Elephant Sh#t is 10 times worse than Dog Sh#t.

However, I think that if Batman didn't fall so far back then, we may not have the Dark Knight trilogy we all know and love today. Otherwise it gets no credit for anything in life, and has no purpose on this planet. I'm not even going to bother asking what you think of Batman & Robin, because I know. It's okay, we're all friends here. But, what's the worst movie you've ever seen? Comment below, let me know. And as always, if you liked this review and want to see more, check out my other reviews to see more. Bye.

Oh, and P.S. I forgot to mention this earlier, this is what I hated most about this movie: The Bat Credit Card. Why? Because they had the balls to give one of the greatest superheroes of all time a F#%$ING BAT CREDIT CARD!!!! And yes, Batman is a Superhero. He's not just a hero, he's a superhero. You know, I think I might do a rant about why Batman is awesome. Who knows? Okay, Bye-bye now.