Synopsis (From Goodreads):

Adrift after her sister Bailey’s sudden death, Lennie finds herself torn between quiet, seductive Toby—Bailey’s boyfriend who shares her grief—and Joe, the new boy in town who bursts with life and musical genius. Each offers Lennie something she desperately needs… though she knows if the two of them collide her whole world will explode.

Join Lennie on this heartbreaking and hilarious journey of profound sorrow and mad love, as she makes colossal mistakes and colossal discoveries, as she traipses through band rooms and forest bedrooms and ultimately right into your heart.

As much a celebration of love as a poignant portrait of loss, Lennie’s struggle to sort her own melody out of the noise around her is always honest, often uproarious, and absolutely unforgettable.

Plot:

Bailey promised that no matter what, they would always be together. With their explorer mother who left the girls with her mother and brother, for over sixteen years, Bailey promised that she would never leave Lennie like their mother did. At age nineteen Bailey suffered from a fatal arrhythmia attack, leaving Lennie alone in the world. At seventeen, Lennie was alone, suffering the death of Bailey with Bailey’s soul mate Toby Shaw. Toby pain equals Lennie’s as they are both missing Bailey, making closer than they have been before. It was only locked in Toby’s embrace where they could both forget about Bailey and enjoy the warm feeling provided by the other: “I kiss him back and don’t want to stop because in that moment I feel like Toby and I together have, somehow, in some way, reached across time, and pulled Bailey back” (36).  Day in and day out, missing Bailey would just hit her unexpectedly. She wanted to talk to Bailey about school, Gran, the boys entering her life. Looking at old pictures seeing Bailey’s smiling face, knowing she would never smile again: “She is always looking at the camera, and I am always looking at her” (51). The new kid and musician extraordinary was Joe Fontaine. Joe who was so talented and handsome, he could of had any girl, but he chose Lennie. Calling her John Lennon (as her real name was Lennon), he came to her house every morning, becoming friends with Uncle Big and Gran, ultimately stealing Lennie’s heart. Lennie in good conscious could not spend her mornings with Joe, and then kiss Toby all night, no matter how much Toby could erase the thoughts of Bailey. Knowing what she is doing with Toby is wrong, she has to end it before Joe finds out. Throughout this novel Lennie speaks of fresh love, and heartbreak as she speaks the four true words of her heart: “I want my sister” (152).

Thoughts:

Jandy Nelson is back again with a new tale that speaks of heartbreak. Lennie is dealing with the traumatic death of her older sister, and throughout this soul searching novel finds herself, and love, as she maps out this Bailey-less world. Bailey to Lennie meant everything to her, and although Nelson did not touch on the topic very well, as it was only brief segments where you truly see the grief Lennie is going though. But again, writing a book about Lennie, who cries all day and curls up in a ball of depression, until she was emitted to a hospital, would not give Nelson the uplifting story she was going for. Thus the love for Toby to new boy Joe. Lennie does things with Toby she should not have done, in a kind of grief sex, as they both deal with the loss of Bailey in different ways: Toby with his skateboarding tricks, Lennie writing poems. Joe is what his name stands for, a nameless place-holder character, to give you someone the root for. Joe who never met Bailey, see Lennie for herself, and not realize what she is going though, only that he loves her and wants to stay with her. With family issue, dealing with her lost, to not one, but two boy troubles, Lennie life are flip upside down in Nelson’s novel, giving us the backside look of what dealing with a loss really looks like, without all the crying and overwhelming sadness bit.