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If Life Were A Wish...
September 3, 2012
If life were a wish
I would wish it all the same
Because in the end
Life is one big game
And the hand that you're dealt
Carries the people that you love
And I remember how I felt
After every single hug
So for your information
I don't want a wish
I'd rather stay the same
In the life I was dished
© Gabrielle A., Pensacola, FL
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 12 comments.
dolphincrazy226 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 12 2012 at 6:42 pm
they say short poems are the hardest to write because you have to much to say, and yet need to pack it all down. kudos to you, you did a great job keeping the rhyme scheme up with the rythm. and the message rings clear:) though i do question that last word "dished" i know it might have been hard to find a rhyme, but it just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, but the imagery is sound:) great job and keep writing!
dolphincrazy226 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 12 2012 at 6:42 pm
they say short poems are the hardest to write because you have to much to say, and yet need to pack it all down. kudos to you, you did a great job keeping the rhyme scheme up with the rythm. and the message rings clear:) though i do question that last word "dished" i know it might have been hard to find a rhyme, but it just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, but the imagery is sound:) great job and keep writing!
ToraNoKage SILVER said...
on Sep. 12 2012 at 6:35 pm
Well...the idea definately has merit it in. It could use a little work, but I like how you put it. 4/5 stars
Kieth said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 6:51 pm
coolio i think it was rather intresting.
TraceBatWingsAndBrokenStrings DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 7 2012 at 7:10 pm
To be honest, the rhyming is, well, not so good in this. The premisce is good, I just think it could be more flushed out that it is.
xxGPxx said...
on Sep. 7 2012 at 5:40 pm
thats really good..its short and sweet and rhymes
JunieSparrow BRONZE said...
on Sep. 7 2012 at 3:43 pm
You're rather cynical! But sometimes its best to be happy with what we have. I like your rhythm; you could almost put it to music.
Septemmber3,
2012
4:20p.m.