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Everyones a Critic
September 3, 2009
I once was wandering in the dessert
When I came upon an elder,
He handed me his umbrella
And said I’d need it for the weather.
To him I paid no attention
For in his mind things were not sound,
It was when I gave it back and went my way
That the rain came pouring down.
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 28 comments.
FlyLikeAnEagle94 PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 15 2010 at 9:27 am
Ireally like this.
wimerh said...
on Oct. 21 2009 at 9:21 pm
Yes, i have actually. Im doing this for a school assignment. So don't criticize me.
jennee21_ann GOLD said...
on Oct. 3 2009 at 6:48 pm
wow :) this is truly amazing! i really like this piece. i think it rhymes fine, and the rhythm is great! 5 stars :) check out some of my newest work if you could, i would love the feeback. oh and please keep writing, i like it!
SquirrelGirl said...
on Sep. 28 2009 at 7:26 pm
Have you read the title yet?
Wimerh said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 9:39 pm
I think you had a good concept for this poem. However, the second and fourth line of a quatrain have to rhyme, and i don't think that elder and weather really rhyme. Also, you could have better rhythm in the stanzas, because in a ballad, the first and third lines have to have eight syllables, and the second and fourth lines have to have six. I think if you change these details, your poem will be much better.
Wimerh said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 9:37 pm
I think you had a good concept for this poem. However, the second and fourth line of a quatrain have to rhyme, and i don't think that elder and weather really rhyme. Also, you could have better rhythm in the stanzas, because in a ballad, the first and third lines have to have eight syllables, and the second and fourth lines have to have six. I think if you change these details, your poem will be a great deal better.
