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Cate,
October 17, 2013
At this raw and fierce
and intimate hour you
tell me everything
© Monica L., St. George, UT
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 2 comments.
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 8 2014 at 10:04 am
I think my biggest critic for this poem is the word "and." It might just be my style, but stating the word "and" three times is overkill for me. You could take out just one of the "and"'s or you could take out both. Just play with it and see what you think. Also, for the phrase "you tell me everything" you can be more figurative. "You pour out your soul" is kinda what I am thinking of, but again it is your writting. I like how short this is, but how much emotion and feeling you have put into it. Great job.
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Favorite Quote:
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”<br /> <br /> ― Mary Oliver