I'm not one of those girls on the front of the depression pamphlets

In a long empty hallway
my knees to my chest
I'm sad
Depressed, but damn I'm still lookin my best
And my world is not in black and white
in fact sometimes the colors are far too bright
"A loss of interest" the symptoms say
I can't even play video games
How I wish I could be a "slug" that sits on the couch all day
If not making progress toward a real life
if not making a difference in the real world
at least saving a fantasy civilization from complete and total obliteration
Yet my thumbs can no longer maneuver their way over the buttons and knobs of my controller

I'm not one of those girls on the front of the anorexia pamphlets
gazing into the mirror, stepping onto a scale
no doubt looking thin and frail
Weight loss is listed as a symptom
which is wrong
It's a result.
the truth is, I was anorexic before I lost the first pound.
And it's not a word that can be tossed around
It's not a synonym for skinny
don't belittle our plight
and focus on the physical aspects rather than our internal fight

I'll  never be one of those girls in the back of the depression pamphlets
Walking off into sunny skies
shoulder to shoulder with my friends, good times on the brain
smiling as if those relationships didn't undergo strain
as if everything will just be the same
As if the symptoms will never return
As if I’m free
As if I’m fully healed
As if what I faced was no big deal

I’ll never be one of those girls on the back of the anorexia pamphlets
Smiling down at the food on my plate
Counting myself lucky that it wasn’t too late
As if I no longer hate what I see in the mirror
As if the thought of high numbers are no longer a cause for fear
Because this isn't something you can ever fully recover from
You'll still wake up some mornings feeling like you can't show yourself to the world
And the dark and familiar place in your mind will seem so inviting
But you must remember to keep on fighting
Because you're more than a caricature of a mental illness
And you'll never be one of those girls on the pamphlets