i’ve spent the last four years with you, still, all over me.
i’ve been leaving bruises on my body
to cover up the teeth marks that have been left behind,
but the exposure that remains is still overtaking.
the sadness and the insecurity are suffocating me, but when i open the window,
the bitter cold only reminds me more of the glacial shoulder you offered me.
i gave you the world only for you to inflict your desolation onto it.
when my thoughts malfunction, and you somehow slip my mind,
i feel as if i’ve walked into a warm room after being out in the cold all night.
i swore that i would hold onto it all until i couldn’t grasp it any longer.
i thought that i’d never be able to move on.

but then, one morning, the first thing on my mind wasn’t you.
even if you can’t control me like you used to, i’m still unable to shake you loose.
not on the days when silence reigns,
or when the dreams that i still have of you clutch at my throat,
or when i can feel the hurricane trapped inside a chrysalis.
it’s started earlier than i’m used to.
i can’t be alone, and i can’t talk about it.
time doesn’t heal all wounds.