When I sit here alone I start to think. Not about bad things but about things that are heavy and deep. This girl doesn’t know how much I truly like her; I’m not sure that she ever will because I don’t think that I have the balls to tell her. I have implied it multiple times but she thinks I’m only joking, it makes me so sad. She tells me that she doesn’t like me like that, but she has told me a lot that she could get with these certain four guys and yet every time I’m the second one on this list. She tells me that she only wants to be friends, but she gives me long hugs and holds my hands. I can’t tell between these mind games, they’re confusing. I love her like I have never loved anyone before. Most of the time the girls are the ones that love the smell of guys, but I let her borrow my hoodie all the time just because I want to sleep with the hoodie the next night. Some would say that it’s weird, I don’t think it is because it’s the closest that I’ll get to hold her. This girl means a lot to me but for some reason, I feel like she doesn’t feel the same way about me. She, for some reason, always knows how to reverse what I say; I don’t know how she does it but she’s good at it. This girl is like no other girl, she’s smart, funny, sarcastic, awkward, weird, beautiful, but most importantly she is STRONG. I can tell when someone has been through some serious s***, and if I’ve met anyone who has been through this serious s*** then she’s one of them. Maybe I only want to fix her, maybe I only want to screw her (like every other guy), maybe I only want to love her, or maybe I only want to be hers and her to be mine. I’ll tell you now, I’m not like those other bastards, I’m not in it just to get under the blanket with her, nor am I only in it to fix her because she is the only one that can do that, I can only help. I just want the last two. I only want to be the lover and the loved, and to be the one privileged enough to love her. She has issues but everyone does but she doesn’t live by her issues, which I what makes her so special. I love this girl with all that I have. Nothing can change this, and nothing will ever change it. She is MY CRUSH and I will secretly embrace it till I can finally tell her.