I look down the saddest city lane
I pass by the watchman on his beat
And I get lost in the tangle of my thoughts
They whisper one phrase over and over again
Ah, but alas.

Ah but alas,
For a dreamer night’s the only time of day
And the stars, oh yes, they’ll glisten at you
but they will never brighten, never come any closer
Only tease you from their far off dynasties
Their galactic thrones
And you can be sure that if you ever catch a star,
it will shine so bright you won’t be able to see the rest of the sky

Ah, but alas
success is for the fiscally responsible
And for those who have yet to accept
That sometimes the radiance of our thoughts
Cannot be contained in the anti-beauty of our daily verses

Ah, but alas
Home is no longer where the heart is
And in the chasing of my radiant beauty I have lost my way
And will never find a path back
To the beginning of all things

Ah but alas
bloodlust is stronger than lust on its own
Because blood will always be thicker than water
But water always purer than blood
Until you mix the two and you create a concoction,
Not strong enough to bind, nor pure enough to entice
And then what?

Ah but alas,
You can lead a beast to beauty but you can’t make it shrink
You can’t make it see that a light shines within
And that future happiness is dependent on present forgiveness

Ah but alas, I did not go gentle into that good night
And I raged raged against the dying of light
And as I raged raged, I caused the dying of someones fight
His fire extinguished, his chest painted red
He tried for the endgame and ended up dead

Ah but alas,
Though I am by no means alone in this world
the soft pad of my bare feet on the clay beneath me is my only companion right now
And he does not make good conversation
“Ev
Ry
Step
You
Take
Is
Your
Fault”
he says with thudding monotony
“You
Have
Be
Smirched
What
Your
Home
Stood
For”
He chants in cruel staccato beats

Ah but alas,
I built a castle stone by stone,
Stacking excuses of accidentiality on top of justifications of the greatest of all things, love
And this castle is under siege
From the knights of conscience
WIth swords crafted on a moral high ground
That lacks the oxygen for my broken lungs to breathe on

Ah but alas,
All of this I know
And I do not need my feet to tell me
That two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And I ran off the path into the trees
I found the most beautiful of sights
A sanctuary of light where you could hold a star
Only to meet the intersection where the brawls commenced
Cause a clamorous comotion
And be banished off the path
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I
I took the one no one traveled by
And that made all the difference

Ah but alas,
Off the beaten path there are no maps
There are no peddlers who will tell me that
If I take left in two miles and make a right at the bush
My soul will find peace by sunset
So I ask the one thing that is lingering, haunting and stealing my air
The soul of the fire that I stole
So I ask him
O Captain my Captain where must I go
Where death shalt die
And I shan’t be a slave to fate chance and kings
For I cannot share, I am the desperate man
And death be not proud when love is where I belong
O captain my captain
Curse, bless me with your fierce tears I pray
For only then can my soul be deserving of the heavenly goodness of my star
For only then can I love as man is meant too
For only then can I ignore the beasts inability to shrink
And see my beauty over their reign of terror

And as I let my feet torture me with their grinding reminders of all that went wrong
I think of Annabel Lee
Though this is no kingdom by the sea
I am still graced with Annabel Lee
Though she shines as bright and sweet
A simple chill could never take her from me
She walks in such beauty and warmth that water evaporates as it touches her skin
I think of my lion
She who gives freedom
In the form of her binding chains
As she ties me tighter
My soul soars higher
I think of the star I hold
And the fact that maybe this star hold me
And let it do what it does best
Wash away the rest of the sky