i’ve come to hate the winter because turtlenecks have turned into hands wrapped around my neck.

i can never quite get warm enough
to erase the feeling of my back
against that cold, hard tile floor

i counted down the minutes
and told myself it would all be over soon, but i've been shaking ever since.

i thought i would feel a little less disgusting after i showered and scrubbed my skin clean, but even if i were to burn myself alive his touch would still linger.

i hear his name and all i want to do is throw up the words he whispered that night, like when he said, "you’re so beautiful when you cry.”
i’ve never felt so ugly in my entire life.

i’ve been choking on compliments ever since because maybe if i hadn't laughed at his jokes; maybe if i'd moved his hand from my thigh, he wouldn’t have mistaken all the no’s i muttered as a sign to stay.