Midnight.

We drank sparkling cider from the bottle, and sang the score of RENT,
dried each other’s tears, and made promises to ourselves we knew we couldn’t keep.

The ball drops.
We hug, we laugh, we keep living.
I cuddle my friend Bailey’s dog and remember all the years before this.
The New Year’s Eves I spent eating lasagna with my mom,
or trying to get a gay boy to kiss me.
All the moments that brought me here.

I find joy in this:
the first time I have ever entered a new year so confident that I will never be alone during it

1 AM.
We got high on love.
The munchies came, and we spent half an hour calling every restaurant in town,
to see if they would deliver.
To no avail.
We resorted to eating the casseroles in the garage refrigerator.
Never has a week old Christmas dinner had such delightful zest.

We spent the next five hours talking about everything under the sun.
Our hopes, fears, dreams, accomplishments.
How awful the last three seasons of Glee were,
and everything we hope the new year will bring.
I said that my life did not really begin until I became a part of this squad, and I meant it.
Words flowed from our mouths like waters of the Nile.

This is community, this is family.
Freedom to be; to exist loudly, without an apology.
Faith that what you have is somehow eternal.
Having no fear in letting your guard down, or misspeaking,
because you know that even if something goes wrong, you will work it out.

6 AM.
We plan to watch the sunrise, but it is masked by fog.
We make our own light, and along with that, chocolate chip pancakes.

Mornings are always my favorite part of spending the night together.
I think it’s because we’re all a mess;
sporting raccoon eyes from unremoved makeup, and teeth yellowed by coffee the night before.
Yet, all we can see is the beauty in each other.
All we can see is the love we’re surrounded by,
the love that fills my heart to the brim.

These are the moments I long to capture with something more permanent than a photograph.

11 AM.
We part ways, but not before a few long hugs.
Not without several “I love you’s,” and wishes for a happy new year.

I’ve heard that the way you spend midnight is how you’re going to spend the next 365 days.
I hope, now more than ever, that
it’s true.