Fear.
something comes to mind when you read that word.
Whether it be spiders or heights or even spicy food, it’s something.
But for some, it’s a little deeper.
Deeper.
Makes me picture the ocean.
You can’t see the end of the ocean while you’re staring at the beginning, and there is no end or beginning to stare at really.
That’s what depression feels like I suppose.
An ocean.
The bottom of it at least.
Can you imagine that?
Being at the bottom of the ocean.
So dark.
Dark.
Opaque.
You’re afraid.
These fish do not scare you.
They could eat you, it wouldn’t matter.
You’re not afraid of that.
You’re not afraid of anything, except more fear.
More reason to be afraid that they won’t come back.
That she won’t come back.
They left so long ago.
You watched them leave, telling you it would only be a few minutes.
But it wasn’t a few minutes.
It was so long.
So long.
And now you feel like you’re drowning.
Like you can’t face these waves alone.
Do you know what comes to my mind when someone says fear?
her.
Because she opened me up and told me she was mine.
Then she left.
But not before she made me love her.
Not before I discovered that I was more hers than she was mine.
But she left.
Left.
She’s gone.
Just like them-
My happy memories that is.
And so I suppose, that when someone says fear, she’s who I think of.
Because I could never be more afraid of anything, than the one who broke me first.