As time Flies by | Teen Ink

As time Flies by

June 29, 2016
By Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.


The day crept upon our skin
As each day flew by
We stared at the black dotted sky
One day before
Saying nothing as time went by
In a blur
We hoped
We wished
We prayed
That this day wouldn't come
Yet it did
The world spun
Time slowed
The flowers shriveled
And a tear left
unshed
I said my goodbye
Waiting for a reply
In the open
Night sky


The author's comments:

I just started this piece and  would really appreciate feedback.  Thanks!


Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 18 comments.


Air568 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 13 2017 at 4:50 pm
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thanks for the feedback! Totally going to implement it in my writing!

hwoodruff98 said...
on Apr. 12 2017 at 9:40 pm
hwoodruff98, Lititz, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world." -Mahatma Gandhi<br /> <br /> "What will your verse be?" -Dead Poets Society <br /> <br /> "Write drunk, edit sober." -Ernest Hemingway

This was a nice piece. Just a few edits to consider: "Black-dotted" is hyphenated. Additionally, it doesn't make sense that time would slow down when it was just flying by in the second line of this poem. "And a tear left unshed" is also a fragment of an idea, because there is nothing preceding it or following it that ties it into the poem. Perhaps you could change the wording to "And tears brimmed in my eyes." It just doesn't follow the parallel structure before it. This was a nice start. Keep writing!

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 2 2016 at 3:52 am
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thank You!

on Nov. 28 2016 at 7:48 am
LeisurelySketches GOLD, Tricity, Other
10 articles 1 photo 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your life has a limit but knowledge has none. (Zhuangzi)

That's a very soulful piece. Keep writing, it will turn out really well.

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 11 2016 at 11:38 am
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thank you so much!

on Jul. 11 2016 at 12:07 am
Simply.alive BRONZE, Austin, Texas
4 articles 4 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain, and so obvious, and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.&quot;<br /> -Alan Watts

Good job. I feel this! What she said. Keep writing.

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 10 2016 at 10:50 am
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thank you so much!!

on Jul. 10 2016 at 10:26 am
FallenAngel11283 PLATINUM, Cincinnati , Ohio
20 articles 1 photo 25 comments
I really love this, good job. Your very talented! Keep writing

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 10:47 pm
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thanks! Feedback really helps!

DaleJ said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 8:30 pm
DaleJ, Upper Darby, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;After all, we are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal.&quot;-Frank Underwood

Great work, keep it up!

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 7:59 pm
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thanks! :)

--Em-- GOLD said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 6:20 pm
--Em-- GOLD, Grand Rapids, Michigan
15 articles 0 photos 32 comments
I love this. Fantastic work, keep it up!

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 12:21 pm
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thank you so much! Really appreciated the feedback!!!

SilverLiner said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 11:59 am
SilverLiner, Accra, Other
0 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;uhhhhhhhhh...&quot;

That, right there, is some lovely writing.

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 8 2016 at 7:50 pm
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thank you so much!

on Jul. 5 2016 at 5:36 pm
lifeless_tomb SILVER, Sioux City, Iowa
8 articles 0 photos 5 comments
i really love this it has such a peaceful tone to me anyway

Air568 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2016 at 10:21 am
Air568 BRONZE, Vienna, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing to fear is fear itself.<br /> <br /> I have dreamed dreams no mortal has ever dared to dream.

Thank you! :)

on Jul. 5 2016 at 10:18 am
Cadenza101 BRONZE, Wilmington , North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 13 comments
dude I love it its really good