I looked at the knife in my hand
Down at the sharp blade
It reflected the soft afternoon sunset glow
Before almost taking my life away

A hand was on mine
Another breathe in the room
Kindness in his eyes and tears in mine
Silence embraced us

When I woke up again
Sharp words from them ripped and tore at me
I looked down at my hands
As a silent tear slipped out

Time went on
Bleach is making me dizzy
The white is too bright
Their words pounding in my head

He came in and they left
I had never been more grateful
He sat down
The pounding dimmed

I stood at the edge of the cliff
Almost falling into the darkness
But he saved me
I woke up then, but he wasn't there

Months passed
Then almost a year
I didn't see him
Again

I went back to school
Something happened
I thought it was just life but they said it was something different
I was lost, it wasn't my fault

I was moved somewhere
A different place
Bruises appeared on my skin to match the scars in my heart
But I didn't cry

I stood outside the building
He was there at the new school
He probably doesn't remember me
I hung my head and walked in

A name was called
A name
My name
Why was he here

He touched me on my shoulder
I didn't flinch
I didn't talk either
I ignored him and eventually he walked away

I wasn't mute
They were wrong
I wasn't stupid either
I just don't want to live in a world like this

I was kick out
From my own house
It wasn't much of a home anyway
They were never there for me

He was there again
Always there in the most vulnerable of times
Sometimes I hate him for seeing me this way
But mostly I am thankful

He talked and I listened
I talked and he listened
I didn't sleep on the streets that night
Because he offer me a place to stay

His house was warm and welcoming
A father, mother, and brother who treasured each other
Smiles and kind words were thrown at me
So different to the coldness and criticism whirling in my house

I knew I was an outsider in this perfect home
Yet not even my conscience could make me leave
It was an escape from the harsh world outside
A piece of paradise in this lonesome world

I woke up to the smell of warm food
So different from usual
The arms of panic didn't paralyse me this morning
Instead I felt undeniable happiness

I felt light when I got up
The usual heaviness of life gone from my shoulders
The sun shone
I looked in the mirror

My eyes held a little more light
And my cheeks, a little more colour
But what dazzled me
Was the small smile which graced my lips

I can't remember the last time I've smiled
Maybe I never have
But for the first time, I experienced something like happiness
And that scared me

I wiped the smile off my face
And replaced with my usual cold, blank expression
I looked back in the mirror the whipped around fearfully
Because he stood there behind me

He had seen me smile
That much I knew
But instead of using words, he simply turned up the corners of his lips
And handed me a mug

He knew
He knew that I was scared
He understood me
And I didn't know how to feel