I tried.

I really did.

Making you happy.

Making you proud.

Nothing seemed to work.

Until I wasn’t around.

Pathetic.

Schizophrenic.

Misfit.

Addict.

Just go and commit.

You don’t needa exist.

Why and resist?

You’re a lunatic.

All these names,

It’s like a slap in the face.

“Shut up you nut case,

You’re just a disgrace.”

They just kept rolling in.

All these insults,

Yet I still took the blame.

I knew it was my time,

I know you were watching me climb.

The little stairs,

That would take me to my destiny.

As if anyone cared,

It didn’t matter if I was scared.

It was a matter of time before it came to this,

At least everyone will finally be at bliss.

I don’t know whether to feel glad, or—

Or just feel bad.

Glad because it will all be over,

Or bad because it took this much suffering

Until it finally took over.

All of this rain,

To rid of the pain.

All of the mending

To fix my unfixable heart
All this pretending,

Waiting for the ending.

It didn’t have to happen this way,

But it did.

And no one stopped me.

Now it’s all over,

All of my tears,

All of my fears,

All of these years that I’ve lived,

Wondering when I would be happy.

I was told I wouldn’t be missed.

And I just wished,

That at least one person would.

Even the slightest bit.

Momma, I’ll be there soon.

We’ll listen to our favorite toon,

Maybe that ‘Once in a blue moon’

Is today at noon.

But for now;

Sorry for giving you so much trouble,
I know it was a struggle.

Sorry that I didn’t become,

The women you always wanted to be.

But most of all—

Sorry for becoming you,

When all I wanted to be,

Was free.