I try desperately to grasp onto what little fragments of my prior personality that I can salvage but it all seems to slip away like sand gliding through the crevices of a hand. I attempt to be myself but it appears as if the person who I once was is nowhere to be found because I have been making leaps and bounds through the future when I have not experienced nor absorbed the essence of my young and fragile life.

The old girl that I once held dearly to my heart is nowhere to be found and as I stand my ground in hopes that she will one day return I grow weary. So I move, push forward. Forgetting how it felt when she came to me with her pleasant smile and the twinkle in her eyes that always assured me that everything will be alright. I moved. Leaving probably the most essential component of my character. My soul is half empty, vacant but I refuse to rent to anyone else in hopes that one day she will return and restore all that was damaged within the fight of finding….. Her.

Killing myself slowly I have waited years which have seemed like mere seconds. Withering through the course of time becoming lost between the days and the minutes and the seconds of just waiting for her. I dare not mention her name because if she feels rushed she may not come.

The optimistic eye that once held my everlasting gaze on the beauty of life now is filled with cynicism. So I remain blind clinging but also slipping away from life. I call it drifting because those who live life with half a mind have no eyes because they could never see the full view of what they are or what they might have left behind. So again I beg of you my dearest Sierra please glide graciously back to the caverns of my mind because I am not living without you in my conscious.