I feel so much pain
but I don’t know how to say
the feelings I am feeling
every single day
You’d think by now
I’d be used to my own thoughts
but I’m not.
I am unfamiliar in my own mind
own heart
own soul.
I’ve changed so much
in the past year or so
and I can’t recognize myself
a month ago.
I can’t comprehend
the pain of yesterday
the pain of today.
The added burden
of last month
last year.
Take me every five years
and I’m a different person
nothing like I was before.
Each year I become
more broken.
I get better at hiding pain,
maybe because I have
more to hide.
My acting skills succeed
in creating a thick mask
in which I wear
on a daily basis.
I don’t know how to explain
my thought process
without complaining
and feeling guilty.
What is life
I don’t know
Is it forty-two
black and blue,
like the skin of my childhood
like the metaphoric
colors of my mind.
Is it red and white
like my vision
when I wake
every day
Life is just..
life.
Another word
that to describe
you must use the word.
Does that make sense?
Probably not.
Nothing I say these days does.