I miss it
The team behind my back cheering me on
Making an impossible save
Even getting scored on
The grass in my hair
And the dirt covering my knees
Feeling like I’m about to drop from exhaustion
Drenched in sweat and the pain everywhere
But knowing life doesn’t get much better than this
They say this is good for me
I need a break
Maybe it will help me refocus my priorities
But I know that’s a lie
Because if it was true
Then I wouldn’t feel an excruciating pain in my stomach every time I pass the soccer field
A feeling in my gut like my stomach has dropped
Like when you go on your favorite rollercoaster and it has that big drop at the end that is just the absolute best
Except, take out the whole part about a rollercoaster and it being your favorite and you’re just left with the feeling in the pit of your stomach
And when my eyes water every time I pass a soccer field, and I swear it is just allergies
And even though I don’t have allergies and it only happens when I pass a soccer field
Well, then they must be using some new fertilizer because I’m not crying
And the first time I went to my sister’s soccer game after I stopped playing and broke down like a baby in the car
Well, that was just more allergies, oh and I was battling the flu, too
Even though it wasn’t allergy season, or flu season
And I didn’t have allergies, or the flu
And if it was good for me, then I wouldn’t be willing to give up everything to go back
And maybe I could go back
But it wouldn’t be the same
My team wouldn’t be there to cheer me on
The team who I could support and they could support me too
Because they’d make me feel like that without me, there would be no team
I mean, half my name is in the word team
But, without their goalie, they can’t have a team
I wouldn’t know who would be supporting me from the sidelines
I’d say “Remember when” but they wouldn’t
The memories would be gone
And so would the familiar faces
Greeting me with a smile like I actually belonged
Because I wouldn’t anymore
I’d be nobody again
Starting over
Starting fresh
It’s not something I want to do
But maybe I will
Because I want a new team to cheer me on
And a place to call home
I want to belong again
I want this second family
Where I’m somebody who I can’t be any other place
But that’s okay
Because I like that person
Confident and strong
Knowing and self-assured
And most of all
I want to stop missing it