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Fear Of Marriage
To say I'm afraid of it would be glossing over
Not giving my fears enough credit
These are, unlike others, deeply founded
Grounded, even, embedded in me
I've seen too much
No desire to even touch the forbidden
My forbidden is not a mere kiss
Or to let my precious gift go
It's more like a promise I made to myself
No vows, no signing myself away
Somehow, now, things are starting to change
Someone has me thinking this way
I see marriage as a prison
I've seen my mother locked in it, abused,
Unable to break loose
Bail a greater price than one can pay
Until I met someone who didn't need a key
To unlock my heart and hold it completely
Alas, and alack, he wants to marry me
A thudding in my chest
I've always been terrified of this
I know he'll never hurt me
Still the images of the past, continue to haunt
Continue to block me from considering another option
A thudding in my chest
But I'm still dreaming of a white, wedding dress
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