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Kids.
I always wanted to have kids
A lot of kids
When I was little, twelve
Never six and six; seven and five
Now, seven, maybe
That's a more realistic number
Not five and two, please
Just three and four
I don't know
I always had children around me
And being that bigger person became a part of me
I knew I loved them and wanted my own
To teach and nurture and raise
To love
Then, somewhere along the way, my mind changed
I thought I would be an unfit mother
I thought I would teach them the wrong things
To hate men and that they should rot in...
I thought I couldn't be a good mom
So then I realized maybe I could do it
But there would never be a father in their lives
Because, of course, fathers were unnecessary and irrelevant
And I could never have a man hurting myself or my kids
Especially my kids
I decided to be a single mom one day
I could do it
Alone
I didn't need a man
(Except for the sperm, of course)
They didn't need a man
I could raise my kids alone
I would be Supermom
I would work two jobs, change diapers
Provide food and love and everything
My kids could ever want
Except- as all girls like me have already learned-
No Supermom can ever replace a daddy
I guess I just knew only hurt from men
I didn't want to be the mom that allows
Her kids to be hurt by a man
I didn't want my kids to feel the pain I did
Then I met a guy who changed my perspective
I met a guy who I would allow inside of my life
I met a guy who would never hurt me or my kids
(Not purposely, anyway)
I met a guy who made me want to give my kids
A father
Because I trust him to take care of us
I trust him with my kids
I found a way to let myself be happy
And to keep the promise I made to my future kids
It made my heart stop
When I asked him if he wanted kids
(Of course I meant one day, I mean, I'm only seventeen!)
And he said, "Yes, with you. Not now though."
It nearly made my heart split wide open
It makes my heart stop
Every time he tells me I'll be an awesome mom
Because my kids aren't even born yet and I'm
Looking out for who their dad will be
Because I'm not even married yet
And I'm worrying about my unborn kids
My heart is swollen with love for this man
This man I will entrust my kids to
He said he didn't want kids before me
I guess he loves me so much that he does now
He wants to father my kids... and I'm gonna let him
...
Dear Future Kids,
I promised every one of you that I would protect you. I promised I would never let a man hurt you in my home. I promised to never let your father treat you the way mine treated me. I promised to never break a promise.
Well, I found someone to be your father. Someone who would help me protect you. Someone who would never hurt or mistreat you. Someone who will never break his promises.
My future kids... Supermom found someone worthy to be your daddy.
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