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pepper spray
The first time her walls fell,
It was expected.
He was alone,
She was caring.
He needed her help
& he wasn't sharing.
She was blindly optimistic
Because things can get better...
He was a shadow psychotic,
And we all thought he was normal
Then the walls fell.
The band snapped.
Life became hell,
As the mirror cracked
She couldn't recognize anything,
Couldn't see clearly.
Everything is a blur.
And she never really can be sure,
What lurks around each
And every corner
She turns.
Maybe she's paranoid.
Maybe everything's OK.
Or maybe she's completely exposed.
With nothing but fallen walls,
And a pink can of pepper spray.

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When I was in the 10th grade, my ex boyfriend and best friend began to stalk me after I broke up with him. He would creep around my house, follow me around at school, and send me threatening texts and emails. When he started threatening me, my parents decided, for my safety, that I needed to get a protective order filed against him. It was very difficult being in court against the same boy that just a year earlier was my closest friend. This is a poem from my journal that I wrote in the middle of the threats, stalkings, and court trials