A recurring theme in my poems is dissertation
I shall always leave the boy in my poems nameless for I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I channel my anguish  by wasting well-formed phrases, and  admirable words on him.
I made a pact with myself that i would no longer allow his image to replay in my mind
that is a hard promise to keep when I have a tendency to reminisce on memories at the worst possible times.
last year I dissected a frog in biology
and my brain thought it would be funny to think about that during my great aunts funeral.
although, I would take vomiting all over her coffin and receiving the looks of disgust and annoyance from  extended family over our memories playing over and over in my mind like a marathon of Friends.
I recall our first date when you took my small hand in yours and entwined our fingers and said, “wow, you are definitely the girl boys write books about”
now that you don't want me, I wonder if the book you had in mind was Misery.
at first I thought you were a breathe of fresh air
your scent strong of pine and stale tobacco
but now I find that whenever I see a pack of smokes
and a forest I can barely find the air in my lungs.
so congratulations to you,
if your goal was to pick the girl with the biggest eyes,
and weakest bones,
and demolish every bit of self sufficiency she thought she had
but I'm glad it was me you choose.
the problem with me is that is am so needy
and at the slightest sign of affection I cling as if it is my lifeline,

The only think that will resusitate me after I drown in the self pity I've sumurged myself in.

I am so hopelessly in love with a boy who barely even acknowledges my existence.
and to keep myself calm I tap the rhythm of his racing heart beat on my chest
I need to stop saying I cant live without him
because i can
I know deep within my soul and broken bones that i can
I just don't want too.