I can’t explain this feeling. It tears me down on the inside it keeps me moving at a fast enough pace to when a race but if I even think about running I will stop breathing. I try to talk about it but it seems like each syllable that leaves my lips takes an eternity of breath away. It scares me. I have to stay busy because if I try to calm down I will have a mental breakdown. I sit back and I look at everyone around me I feel as if I can trust nobody my eyes go back and forth up and down I cannot ever calm down. No matter how calm I look it is all just a misconception on your behalf. Sometimes it makes me question my sanity. Then I start getting sad and wanting to cry. So I laugh. A lot. Ha I bet people think I laugh too much. But, no, I don’t!! Nobody knows me they think they do but really everything they see in me is just a misconception. People look at me and laugh usually I have no idea what was going on it seems as if someone has just told a joke or done something so I laugh with them but it hurts to laugh o so very much. I wish it didnt hurt to laugh it would make my life so much easier.