The Harrisons are my fathers; the Carries and Curleys are my kin.
I am the son of two D-1 athletes and the brother of another.
My bravery and brawn are known to all. Even before Orkin,
I am often called. I have proven my prowess at purging pests.
Four-legged, six-legged, eight-legged, I slay them all.
I come today to kill the web-beast, that horrible monster
Who lurks in the corner of class, killing crickets
And terrorizing teenagers. Reputed for strength, speed, smarts,
Squishing and stomping, I am equipped with all the skills
Of a monster-slayer. Once, I finished off five flies,
Squashed seven stinkbugs, and annihilated eight ants
All before breakfast – eggs and toast. Later that day, I faced my fiercest foe yet.
Crawling from my drain, the cursed creature came.
Two whole centimeters long, it was a giant leg-worm.
It would have swallowed me whole, but I, in unmatched bravery,
Stood my ground. To the shelf, I turned to take the Raid.
I sprayed once, then twice, and then again. The monster didn’t flinch.
Thinking fast, I armed myself with bleach. I flooded
The sink, but my enemy kept crawling closer.
Desperate, I called for help. “Mommy! It will eat us all!” I cried.
The silence echoed. I was alone with the demon bug.
But for the honor of my family, I risked my life.
With bare hands, I took two paper towels and reached out.
I felt the leg-worm crunch and burst bloody between my fingers.
I was victorious against all odds and will be again today.
I will kill that two fanged, two inch terror with my brawn and my boot.