I cried today.

I cried long and hard until my eyes were dry.
I cried until there was no more crying to be done.

My mother asks why my eyes are always wet,
And I simply tell her I am stressed.

I am stressed I wont get into college.
I am stressed I will fall behind everyone else.
I am stressed that the world will go on spinning,
And I will be standing still.

My world, I tell her, is filled with what ifs,
And there are too many what ifs circling my mind.
What if I fail this test?
What if I don’t get my work done?
What if the teacher hates me?
What if?
What if.
What if. 

I cannot go to school today;
Yet, I cannot stay home.
I’ll miss too much I tell her.
The struggle of catching up,
Is almost not worth it at all.

I am scared, I tell my mother,
And there is nothing to ease my fear.   
I am scared of the teachers who don’t seem to care.
I am scared that there won’t be jobs when I gradate.
I am scared I’ll fail my SAT’s,
And I’m scared that my fears will become my reality.

I am stuck at a point.
A point where there is only a forward,
Even though all I want is to go back.

I am drowning.
I am stuck in a pool of what ifs,
With waves of stress crashing over my head,
And the fear holding me under.

I cried today.
I cry most days.
The stress,
The what ifs,
The fear,
It overwhelms me.