I don't trust the public bathrooms.
My skin crawls when I have to shake someone's hand.
I bring disinfectant wipes to school.
My nightmares are engulfed with enormous and dangerous germs entering my body.
Big, green, slimy globs of petrifying figures trying to overtake my well-being.
I can't go to parties, they overwhelm me.
My family does not grasp my difficulties.
Cleanliness is essential for my existence.

I cannot control this, it has overtaken my life.
I'm not the same person I used to be;
Pitiful and weak are the words that have become my middle name.
There was a time when I could walk into a bus without wiping the seats. There was a time when I was once able to hug friends and family, with no trepidation of imaginary micro-organisms.
There was a time when I could walk into a crowd without having fear of social anxiety.
There was a time when I could talk to my peers and not see the judgement in their eyes.
There was a time.....

My world is filled with daily trials and tribulations.
Others do not comprehend why hand sanitizer is my best friend.
They don't see why I have to check 3, or more times if the oven is off,
Or why I count random objects.

But I know why.
And maybe one day there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
And the tunnel will shine bright, calling me to let go
One baby step at a time.
One door left unlocked.
A dish left unwashed.
The lead of the number two pencil in my backpack left dull.
But until that day comes, I will continue to fight my battle with the enemy,

O. C. D.