Soon I will be gone, and I will be nothing to you.
Just a distant memory of a lover you once had,
But to me you will be,
The lover
I once had; my first lover.
Lovers without love, that’s what this was.
An unstable girl, with a mind fragile and broken,
A friend who picked up the pieces,
And tried his best to put her back together.
In that moment, it was closest she came to being hole.
The future, without her friend, a terrifying thing.
Who would be there when she shattered? When her walls crashed down.
Incapable of emotions, their friendship was close to perfection, for her.
A comfortable state that allowed someone to enter her world,
To show her new things, remove the innocence,
Make her stronger. Her own guardian angel.
She has other friends, she knew they would try to be there. But not like him.
Because who else knows her better, than a lover?
She knew he knew her better than he revealed,
And she felt as though she knew him better than she had known anyone before,
But she was not special to him, like he was to her.
Because he was so perfect, so simply human, he didn’t need others to rely on,
And so he did not lean on her equally, everyone around him knew him,
Orbited him, and his warmth, the way the planets orbit the sun,
Desperate for its warmth,
She needed to feel the sun’s rays. They helped her feel normal.
She was conscious, when his gaze was on her,
Knowing he may be able to read her thoughts, as though she were book.
Her body, the words, each small delicate movement, a letter.
But he did know, he understood, and she was not sure if she had let him.
Or if it had just happened, naturally.
Like a leaf, falling from a tree at the end of summer.