There is nothing more that she wants in her life than to be happy. Not the kind where she pretends she is happy and smiles just so people stop asking questions like are you okay and what’s wrong all the time. That’s how it’s been lately. Day after day, questions are asked about her well being, but as usual she answers with a worn out I’m okay. She knows that they are just making sure she is okay, but it gets exhausting saying the same thing three times every day. All they want to do is make her feel better, but the best thing they could do for her is just leave her alone. She knows that seems harsh, but it’s honestly really hard to make her feel happy, truly happy. When she is alone, the happiness and glee that she feels seems to be real, but she’s never sure. This happiness she gets when she is alone disappears once she feels or sees someone near. She doesn’t know what it is, but knowing someone is noticing her makes her feel powerless. She begins to realize that she has no control over what that person does or says or thinks. They could be thinking wow she’s beautiful, but she wouldn’t know and if she did she would think it is a lie or that they may be mental. Just feeling as if someone can say or think anything about her and that she can’t control it makes her feel diminished and as if she’s the one who is mental.

There is nothing more that she wants in her life than to have nothing bringing her down. She wants all the obstacles that she has to jump over on a daily basis to disappear. If that were to happen, everything would change. That struggle to get up in the morning would disappear and everyday would start off refreshing. The bills and debts that need to be paid would disappear and lift her family’s spirits from bearing such a burden. The pressure to keep up with classes and achieve high grades would be done with ease and she would get into college without the worry of disappointing her mom. The constant feeling of loneliness would disappear and she would feel happy and know for a fact that she is loved. Also, the struggle of hiding who she really is to please others would vanish and she would become the person she is now afraid to become. All her worries and problems that make her world become a living hell would slowly disappear and make her happy and turn her into someone who is worth living as.
There is nothing more that she wants in her life than to stop pretending. She goes days and days being someone who she thinks she may be, but in reality is someone she’s suppose to evolve from. The person she hides inside is the person she is afraid to show the world. She believes that if this person were to really show that people wouldn’t look at her as they do now. Although she is not popular, she does have friends who love her. They appreciate her and though there may be few of them, they are all she could want even if she doesn’t always show it. If she were to stop pretending, the cool and collective person would turn into a control freak that worries about the littlest things. It seems like her life thrives on pretending; pretending to love the ones who treat her like nothing, pretending to be okay when all she really needs is someone to listen, and pretending to be the strong one when all she can see is the world breaking piece by piece until it’s nothing.
There is nothing more that she wants in her life than to stop being the girl who wants what she can’t have.