I'm at conflict with myself.

I grew up knowing what I want, and what others expect of me,

but sometimes I'm not sure that if what I want to be is what I should be.

How can you expect me to get straight A's when every time I look at the board,

Instead of seeing the answer I only see a reflection of my frown?

I'm asked the question "Are you planning on graduating?" with my answer already chosen.

And for a while I thought their answer was the same as my own,

but lately I'm not so sure.

I want to be a teacher - but how can I even think about stepping in front of the same board

that has held no interest for me since the last time I was told I was failing?

I don't know what to do anymore.

Every time I mess up the image of me and my older sister blend a little more together.

I don't want to be considered a bad influence on my friends and my little sisters.

I'm left sitting here feeling like my efforts aren't hard enough, when I've stuck my neck out for an A one too many times.

To bad to get the grade you have to be okay with the noose letting you hang when it said it would make you fly.

So I stop putting the effort into my schooling

and started putting effort into what I want for once.

Why is that so wrong?

My GPA should not define my life.

You should not be able to assume which side of the world I sleep on by my test grades.

School does nothing but stress me out, so why is it so bad to cast it aside?

I'm open to education but not this system that puts my learning in someones else's hands.

My grade point average isn't because I'm lazy.

It's because when I walk into the class, I'm already preparing myself for this lecture,

This feeling of disappointment that they'll give when I tell the teacher that I didn't do my homework again.

This "look" like my future is dim -

and that they might as well give up on me already because

there are other millions of children that have more of a chance of turning out better than I could ever have dreamed of becoming.

So let me go already,

Class-A mess up but barely class-D when it comes to everything else.

Maybe I should take the teachers advice and just drop out.

But, they don't say it that way, pursuing your GED is how it comes out.

But ask anyone in my family who was told the exact same thing,

they'll tell you a different story.

one where they worked minimum wage and can barely support a family in this day of age,

and how I'm the only chance to make my parents proud.



I'm so sorry, but if this is how life is, I want a way out.

So let me go already.