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So true is my love

February 6, 2014
By Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
More by this author
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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My beloved
My love
You looks so beautiful
I see
Your beautiful smile, long and bright
Your eyes, small, pale blue
It uplifts me
I admire it

I see
Your long hairs, dense, dark black.
Once I praised your hairs
And told, so unique and long
You said yep! they are
I admire you
With love, not the erotic one
But with a feeling that says I love you!

I see
Your teeth so white, so lovely
With makes your smile
More beautiful, more pleasant
I like it, I love it
I admire him

Who created you, made you
So good, so vernal, so peace loving
I love him
I love you too
I see
You are dressed well
Not extremely good, but
Then also you looks so graceful
I admire you
I love you

I see
A big ring in the morning sky
No no not the halo, but sun
Bright yellow, somewhat blanch red
I confess, it is bright, good and beautiful
But not more than you
Indeed far more less
I admire you

I am as if lost
Admiring your beauty
Admiring you, your smile
Feeling as if I am with you

But as my grip lost
I am left just with a
Smile
A big one
Revealing my true love
For you and for him
Who created you

I looked down and picked your photo
And again looked at it
Oh! the sun is gone
Came a voice from somewhere
I called Yes! It is
You, my love and
Just now comes your call
So true is my love. So true I am!

© Brittany S., No. Platte, NE

The author's comments:
So this is my first attempt to write a poem. i hope it is good and will receive many comments and recommendations. Please read it twice , rate it and don't forget to comment. Please, please ,please...
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 21 comments.

Shade3043 DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 14 2014 at 11:16 pm
Shade3043 DIAMOND, Shade3043 Did This, In Case Of Anonymous, Other
87 articles 0 photos 168 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I was a boy, I would always hear scary things in the news and my mother would say to me, "Always look for the helpers. Everywhere you look you will always find people helping." - Fred Rogers

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For a first attempt, certainly not bad. Just nothing I'd write home about. The words you use are just too bland, you repeat the same words too much, I feel like this poem could use some punctuation, as well. Overall, it's not bad. It certainly has it's faults, but it's a good first attempt. 3/5.
Promethean SILVER said...
on Oct. 14 2014 at 11:12 pm
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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thank you dream. 
Dream2000 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 14 2014 at 8:21 pm
Dream2000 BRONZE, Greenwood, South Carolina
4 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Believe you can and you&#039;re halfway there<br /> ~Theodore Roosevelt

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I LOVE IT!!!! VERY BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!
Promethean SILVER said...
on Oct. 14 2014 at 7:39 pm
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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yes it surely is, lol. i am finally caught. 
Trin_Freckles GOLD said...
on Oct. 14 2014 at 7:28 pm
Trin_Freckles GOLD, Troutman, North Carolina
11 articles 12 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
When your sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead

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Im in tears on how beautiful this peice of work is...Was this based off of someone you actually loved? Cause this is amazing!!
Promethean SILVER said...
on Oct. 14 2014 at 7:26 pm
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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thankyou miss emily, its your kindness. 
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 6 2014 at 1:00 pm
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

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This is beautiful. I love it. You really di have a talent. Thank you so much, for sharign this sweet and beautiful and talentedly written poem. You do have talent and greatness in you; never stop believing that. 
Promethean SILVER said...
on May. 13 2014 at 10:58 am
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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thank you !!!!! :D 
Nella.Girl97 BRONZE said...
on May. 13 2014 at 10:43 am
Nella.Girl97 BRONZE, Ashland, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 437 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.&quot;

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Very beautiful! 
Promethean SILVER said...
on Mar. 12 2014 at 1:14 pm
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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haha, it is
Shadow_Wolf GOLD said...
on Mar. 10 2014 at 10:39 pm
Shadow_Wolf GOLD, Mayfield Heigts, Ohio
10 articles 0 photos 61 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is not opening your eyes but opening your heart.&quot;<br /> &quot;You see not with your eyes, But with your heart.&quot;<br /> &quot;Think first with your heart not your head.&quot;<br /> &quot;If it has a heart, It is human.&quot;

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lol, that is too funny
Promethean SILVER said...
on Mar. 3 2014 at 1:52 pm
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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I wrote this after viewing my friends photo. 
Shadow_Wolf GOLD said...
on Mar. 3 2014 at 1:40 pm
Shadow_Wolf GOLD, Mayfield Heigts, Ohio
10 articles 0 photos 61 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is not opening your eyes but opening your heart.&quot;<br /> &quot;You see not with your eyes, But with your heart.&quot;<br /> &quot;Think first with your heart not your head.&quot;<br /> &quot;If it has a heart, It is human.&quot;

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Beautiful, honestly the words herein are similar to my thoughts of a dear friend.
Promethean SILVER said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 7:37 am
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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Deda!!!!!!!  Thanks... I am happy!!!!
Crystallite BRONZE said...
on Feb. 17 2014 at 11:26 am
Crystallite BRONZE, Santa Elena, Other
2 articles 2 photos 347 comments
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awwwwwwwwww sweet poem!!!!!!!1 my hert almost melted
Promethean SILVER said...
on Feb. 16 2014 at 12:45 pm
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

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Thankyou Azure Blue. And yep thanks for suggestioons, 
.king. SILVER said...
on Feb. 16 2014 at 11:05 am
.king. SILVER, Yeux Bien Tres Bien, Other
9 articles 4 photos 569 comments

Favorite Quote:
( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡&deg;)

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Yo, this is great for a First poem, I like the tone. Though, I suggest that you read your poem aloud with an open mind, it helps you find mistakes and you can tweak what just doesn't sound right... I believe this could be written with fewer words yet carry the same meaning.. Not to be harsh ;) Keep on writing, my friend! C:
Promethean SILVER said...
on Feb. 16 2014 at 9:40 am
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

View profile
Okay, I make my trick better next time. Thanks.
Promethean SILVER said...
on Feb. 16 2014 at 9:40 am
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

View profile
thanks, I write much better next time.
GreekGoddess BRONZE said...
on Feb. 16 2014 at 9:32 am
GreekGoddess BRONZE, Andover, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The unprepared rebel dies in the fire."<br /> ~unknown

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This is a very good first attempt. A suggestion, try to use stronger adjectives. :)