it makes me sick how sadness is addicting.

I've grown accustomed to the empty feeling
that wells up inside me like liquid lead
and the paralysis that traps me inside my head.

it's all so familiar and so natural
in how it just comes so easily to me
that I can't stop myself from welcoming it into my life.

I know sadness so well that there's comfort in it.
it reminds me of sleeping in my bed after a long trip
and sadness, unlike happiness, can't be stolen.

my day can't be ruined if it's already bad.
so maybe I'm not meant to be happy.
maybe sadness is where I belong.