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She ain't no pussy cat
March 7, 2013
Our faces opposite; her sparkling eye glistens into mine.
She gives me kisses;
cheek to cheek;
nose to forehead.
She pulls my socks off and tugs at the cuffs of my jeans.
She crawls up my legs on all fours;
panting from excitement.
She climbs onto me; sitting on my lap;
she stares at me wide eyed;
jiggling around on top of me.
She begs.
She nudges her head under my chin;
rubbing herself against me.
Noming on my earlobe;
paws on my lap.
I tease her with her balls;
the excitement continues.
A fan for a tail;
a breeze fills the room.
With a throw she’s gone;
a squeak for every bounce until she catches it in her mouth.
© Amber K., Cedar Rapids, IA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 18 comments.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Dec. 31 2013 at 7:53 am
haha, glad you enjoyed the humour of it :L :)
NaaThompson GOLD said...
on Dec. 28 2013 at 6:28 pm
Thought it was human at first but it was actually a dog. Nice!
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 5:47 pm
hahahahahaa, well I'm glad you found it funny in the end lol :D
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jul. 28 2013 at 6:56 pm
Thanks for the comment, and yes I do agree with the criticism as I have with the others that have said similar things.
Well the idea of the poem is to be a comical poem, most people would think of the discription as being "naughty" when it is actually a dog, hence the suprise ending; but dont worry if you didn't get it, not everyone will :)
Well the idea of the poem is to be a comical poem, most people would think of the discription as being "naughty" when it is actually a dog, hence the suprise ending; but dont worry if you didn't get it, not everyone will :)
This is a fun poem that was pretty entertaining. I didn't really get the suprise ending thing, most of the things described seemed to be distintly dog-like things, but ingoring that, I did like it. The abundance of unnecessary semicolons was distracting though. Semicolons arae used to connect two complete sentences, not fragments. In almost all of the places, there should be a comma instead. Other than that, nice work!
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jul. 4 2013 at 12:18 pm
Yes, I see why you say that, thanks for pointing it out :D
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 3 2013 at 8:28 pm
I don't think the four leg thing gives it away but cats don't pant so that may. The piece is really playfull, I love it. I don't think you need a semi colon after check to cheek. I think a comma would do the job. I don't think you used them that unnecessarily though. Thy seem to be of poetic use.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 20 2013 at 3:49 pm
Yeah, I tried to connect them and put a twist on it to try and make it more interesting, i'm glad you picked up on that. I'm also glad that you enjoyed it in all, even though this is a good example of my obssession with semi-colons at the time. And, well, I know I have used them too much, but I do find that they are very useful for breaking up the sentence, so that it works and to include a better rhythm.
Thanks for coming back and trying again, and dont worry, your comment is still appreciated :)
Thanks for coming back and trying again, and dont worry, your comment is still appreciated :)
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 20 2013 at 2:09 pm
Hey there, James! I'm sure after my comments on your work you know that titles mean a lot to me when it comes to writing and that I always choose the work witht he most interesting title. I found this one very funny and after reading the poem I enjoyed the title even more. I liked this poem, it was fun. I enjoyed the set-up and the small rhymes. I think that you over-used the semi-colons, but hey, I never even use them. Oops! Anyways, I wish I could remember all the things I said in my comment before. But, with that being said, I enjoyed this poem and I think you did a good job with humor and small details.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 8:53 am
I can see where your coming from, I used to overly use them (i.e. this poem). I also see that it't not necessary all of the time, I think I just prefer to because it adds more of a rythme to the poem (I don't like too many full stops).
Thanks for the comment :)
Thanks for the comment :)
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 8:51 am
It depends on how your mind works, personally, because all fours doesnt necessarily mean legs - think of the comedy it is trying to relate to (anymore detail won't be allowed on this haha). But I can see your point, it is a bit more of a give away.
Thanks for the comments :)
Thanks for the comments :)
WrenArrington said...
on Jun. 15 2013 at 11:24 pm
I agree with Krasota about the not giving away the four legs thing. I also think you should be careful with your punctuation--semicolons don't seem to work where you have them, especially since you have so many. Other than that, nice job.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jun. 15 2013 at 8:41 pm
Here's some actual critique :D According to your author's comment, you said you wanted to lead the reader in one direction and then change things completely. My suggestion is that you change it a bit in the beginning to reflect that. Crawling "up my legs on all fours" gives it away that we're not talking about a human here (if that was indeed your intention).
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jun. 15 2013 at 8:11 pm
Awwww I like this puppy poem ^_^ Nice job! It's not every day that you find a poem like this on Teen Ink.
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 15 2013 at 2:18 pm
Hey there! (I am glad to see that my comment on the poem about the Jews finally posted!) Anyways, I loved the title, I thought it was funny.. but after reading the poem I enjoyed it even more. I love everything overall, the title, the picture, the poem, and your author's comment had me excited to read the poem. I love the attention to small details, everything is very clear and crisp. I liked the simplicity of it. Great job!
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Apr. 5 2013 at 12:03 pm
Thanks :D
Scarlett_the_pegacorn BRONZE said...
on Apr. 5 2013 at 11:12 am
lol i like it. :D
