Not scared of the process, the illness or suffering, Im not scared of leaving people behind, but perhaps myself.
My body functions, my brain, it will vanish at a point. Where I cease to think, have fun, talk, see, hear, and many things I cannot do without.

I don't tell many people, because they tend to say that I won’t mind when Im dead because I’m ‘dead and gone’. But perhaps maybe only I will understand the true meaning and definition of being dead. Not being able to do things any more. I wish to exist forever. Meet people I wish, explore the world, and surf life as it lasts. I don’t want to die and know that I could have searched the sea for nothing but color, and the last thing in my eyes is the color of my ceiling as I lay upon the floor.

I may be young, and still have many years, but as I am told by relatives “wow the years went fast” and the last time they saw me I was a baby. Well maybe the years will seem to go faster as I don’t do with my life as I wish to do.

I believe mental pain is stronger than physical pain when it comes to death. To me, it doesn’t matter how I die, why I die but maybe when I die? Truly and surely I would hope to last long, and live a life where I treated my years right and the way I wanted to. I could die peacefully or dramatically, but as of now I reflect upon the future and not being able to do things any more, almost haha..“scares me to death”.

These years have been spent well, I have a great life. Bad things happen all the time of course, but it happens to everyone. I get frustrated, confused, angry, and at the same time, its all reasonable. For these are just the side-effects of the life we live in today. Some people may not care about when or how they die. But it takes a lot of thinking, and if you think hard enough, just reach into your soul to uncover your own thoughts of the after life’s consequences, may you discover some fear of your own. Everyone is scared of something, never matter their size or age, so why not be scared of what is starting while you are ending.

This world is filled with things I may not be able to understand or explain. But hear me out here, I will always be scared of the consequences of death and after, and know that I will look ahead at any moment in life, and all I see is darkness overcasting my abilities.

I’m not scared of before death but after, and as I die in a flash before my eyes, or maybe a while of suffering, I take my time to remember, that the world has to go on without me. I’m not scared of leaving the world behind, but perhaps myself.